If you’re from Philadelphia, the two most important things to you are cheesesteaks and the Philadelphia Eagles. Eagles fans are a different kind of crazy – even crazier than Penn State fans. Between climbing on telephone poles and flipping off babies in Viking hats, I think we can agree there’s no crazier group of people than them. Well, unless we’re talking about sorority girls…
1. Sorority girls are heinous all year round; Eagles fans are heinous from September through January.
Yeah Eagles fans may cause hell for four months out of the year, but that’s not nearly as bad as what sorority girls do all year round. You think the rival team’s fans have it bad? Try being a frat guy on the street getting drunkenly yelled at by a sorority girl for letting her fracket get stolen at a party.
2. The Eagles have “Fly, Eagles, Fly” but sorority girls have recruitment chants.
If you can’t stand to hear the Eagles’ famous chant, then I feel sorry for you if you live even remotely close to a sorority house or floor. I bet you $10 that sorority girls can sing louder than any birds fan can.
3. If the Super Bowl is Formal, then the Eagles have only lost two of them while sorority girls always take the L.
Yeah the birds may have lost two Super Bowls, but have you seen sorority girls after a formal? Both parties may go home crying, but at least sorority girls end up with mozzarella wedges from Primanti Bros.
4. Eagles fans may climb telephone poles, but sorority girls can walk out of fraternities with entire composites.
When the Eagles earned their spot in this year’s Super Bowl, public officials in Philadelphia greased telephone poles so that fans wouldn’t be able to climb them. Well low and behold – they found a way to get around that issue, and while that’s an impressive feat there’s nothing more impressive than the way sorority girls manage to steal anything and everything from a fraternity.
5. Eagles fans may boo Santa, but sorority girls can write scathing Odyssey articles.
I’m not saying that Eagles fans didn’t have a right to be salty after their 1968 season when they went 0-11, but who would boo Santa Claus? However, that doesn’t even compare to a sorority girl who writes articles for the Odyssey criticizing their ex-boyfriends and calling out their university’s president for trying to away with Greek life.
If the Eagles win this year’s Super Bowl, there’s no doubt that all hell will break loose in the city of Brotherly Love. But, I can guarantee you that their celebration will be nothing in comparison to Bid Day.