The HUB. What a place. From the long lines and slow walkers to sorority sisters and basketball players, the HUB is the center for socializing, and more importantly, people-watching. With all the wacky people that pass by, is there really any way to make a definitive list of all of them? Well, we tried. Here are the 21 types of people you see while grabbing your lunch in the HUB.
1. The stressed out engineering major
They’re the people in the corner on their laptops who look like they haven’t slept in three semesters. Notes and half-finished Starbucks cups are strewn around their little study area. Wish some luck to these guys – they need it.
2. The couple that’s way too into PDA
While this is annoying anywhere, it’s especially annoying when it’s the middle of the day. This is the HUB, not your dorm. Let me eat my Mixed Greens in peace.
3. The group that can’t find a table
They walk in packs, holding Panda Express take-out boxes, heads spinning, desperately trying to find a table that will fit all seven of them. They know it won’t happen deep down because there are never any open tables in the HUB. Ever.
4. The kid who’s late to class
He’s the one sprinting through the crowd, knocking over people’s trays as he flies past Jamba Juice. He’s gone as fast as he came. Who was he? Will he make it to class? The HUB may never know.
5. The study group
These are the people with several laptops out, notebooks and textbooks open, who take up half of a table while talking and laughing about anything except what they should be studying. Oh, they know we know they’re not studying, but we’re left to find an open table somewhere else silently wishing they all fail their tests.
6. The messy eater
They got the special sauce from Chick-fil-a, and they are ready to chow down. You can see the manic hunger in their eyes. Even better, they’ve sat down right next to you. Shield your homework as the food starts flying.
7. The athletes
If you don’t know this backpack, you must be living under a rock. Every 10-foot-tall basketball player or muscly, semi-famous football player sports this bag when they loom over us in line for lunch (The real game is finding the non-athletes who sport the backpack anyway).
8. The person who sits right next to you when there are plenty of other seats
As much as we all should accept the overcrowded fate that is getting a meal at the HUB, we don’t. The tension between you and somebody who sits down next to you is all too real, especially when they talk on the phone or even worse, chew with their mouth open.
9. The poor souls in line at Starbucks
The line at Starbucks is never-ending. You pity them walking by the line. You crave a life without caffeine addiction when standing in the line. Nothing is worse than getting in line at the stairs and knowing it’ll be 20 years before you actually get your morning coffee.
10. The frat boys
They always wear letters, they’re always loud and they’re always eating. What more is there to say?
11. People passing out flyers
Why is it that headphones, sunglasses and a hood still don’t shield us from a flyer being shoved in our faces? Two words: no thanks.
12. People who take a whole table in Sbarro for themselves
Ah, the coveted Sbarro tables. It’s a miracle to snag one. As you turn the corner around Barney’s, anticipation builds. Is that an open table?! It must be – oh, nope. Someone is sitting there. By themselves. Eating pasta. That jerk.
13. The family on a college visit
No, that’s not a strangely old super-senior – that’s somebody’s dad. You walk by a family eating lunch on their college visit, and you find yourself reminiscing about your own visit. Suddenly that high school senior seems like a small child, and you feel very, very old.
14. The person who decides the line is just too long
Whether it’s Starbucks, Jamba, Panda or Chick-fil-a, there’s always somebody in line that gets fed up very fast. With a loud sigh and a huffy exit, you watch them walk away. One less person between you and some delicious food.
15. People who don’t mind dropping $20 at the salad bar
The one day you decide to splurge for some Soup & Garden, you get in line to pay with your small bowl full of one cucumber slice and three pieces of lettuce. You notice the girl behind you has the large bowl overflowing with a glorious-looking salad and internally cry. Ask her what her financial secret is.
16. People who don’t know how to walk
In a perfect world, everyone would walk at the same moderate and efficient pace, and nobody would walk -10 mph directly in front of you. But this is not a perfect world. This is the HUB, and those people are unbearable.
17. The person who pulled an all-nighter
You’ve gotten lunch, a comfy window seat outside of Alumni Hall just before you have to go to class in a few minutes. You look over, and the person next to you is passed out. Poor guy. He definitely pulled an all-nighter. Hope he doesn’t snore.
18. That one person who gave up and sat on the ground
This person is rare and only appears in times of true desperation. It’s one of the saddest yet funniest occurrences. You pity this person, but at the same time, you respect them.
19. The person whose life story is told through their laptop stickers
From sorority letters to THON org logos accompanied by song lyrics, tie-dye pineapples, dreamcatchers and sunflowers, a person’s stickers really tells a lot about them. Ever wonder what people think of yours?
20. Somebody walking a service puppy
It’s a miserable, rainy Monday. You’ve just finished your morning classes, and all you want is food. But what’s that person in front of you holding? A leash? Is that a service puppy? It is! Nothing beats the moment when you walk by one of these little golden bundles of love, and they look up at you as if to say, “You got this!”
21. Every single one of your friends
There’s a reason they’re called the HSM stairs. If you walk from one end of the HUB to the other, you will see every single one of your friends, guaranteed. We’re all in this overcrowded HUB frenzy together.
Of course, there’s an endless amount of interesting people in the HUB. You can’t walk from one end to the other without seeing at least five of these types of people. The real question is: Which type are you?