While there are 21 questions on this list, I’ll disclaim that you should probably be 18 years or older to read through this with someone.
The questions listed below each provide a path for connection that is just as different as every person asking or answering the question. By asking these 21 questions, you and a partner can get to know each other in a way catered to the situation at hand.
What’s the situation at hand, you may ask? Well, if you’re asking intimate questions, it’s safe to assume intimacy is the goal. But you can take anything you want from these questions and choose any path you’d like to follow.
The list ranges from vanilla to raunchy, prompts, exposés and always leaves you with some room in between for setting whatever tone you’d like.
So go crazy or keep it simple with these 21 questions at hand, where you get to do all the catering.
Key tip: make sure you answer the question you ask too – and vice versa.
1. What’s your love language?
Between words of affirmation, quality time, gift giving, acts of service and physical touch, can we even have just one?
2. Most recent standard you developed?
Expose why you had to develop it.
3. What feature drew you to me?
Think outside the box, from style to genetics, to the way you do your hair – who doesn’t like a little vanity?
4. Name one thing you yearn for.
Maybe it’s a person, a place, a thing, perhaps even a verb.
5. Do you let yourself fall for people?
Even if they’re bad for you – can we choose to fall in love, or does it just happen?
6. Use Eye contact
Study each other’s faces.
7. Automatic turn ons?
Maybe it’s confidence, maybe it’s knowing a certain niche reference.
8. What draws you to people – What makes you interested?
Engaging with people leads us to want to connect, so discuss what makes us engage in the first place and how this is different from the deeper level we label as connection.
9. Kiss or slap?
Raunchy.
10. Some relationship nonnegotiables?
Maybe you’ve been in a relationship before that added some things to this list.
11. Name three necessary components of dating someone.
Think: looks, lifestyle, background, values. Is there even a quality we can universally deem “necessary” when it comes to love?
12. Craziest thing you’ve done?
This is where your answer can set the tone.
13. When was your first kiss?
Aww. Maybe tell the story too: what it meant to you, where your first kiss counterpart is at now.
14. Name one thing you’re into
Both of you should answer this question: Set the tone.
15. Two truths and a lie:
Categories include experiences, kinks, previous jobs or previous relationships.
16. Something you discovered that works really well for your body.
I listed this question in a previous “21 questions” article, but here, it can take on a new meaning. Be it chemistry with another person or sleeping with a body pillow, we all have some weird quirk figured out.
17. Speaking of sexuality, where are you on a scale of solid to fluid?
Straight, queer, gay, a little something in between, a little of whatever comes your way. How do you have it? Would you ever have it any other way?
18. Does body count matter?
Debate this question no matter your stance. Argue yes, then argue no.
19. Recommend something R rated to me.
A movie, a position, a tale as old as time.
20. What’s a fantasy that’s better left kept in your head?
Some things are better left unspoken, or worse yet, spoken without being acted on.
21. How adventurous are you?
From wild hikes to the wild things we wish to do to them, let your relationship set the tone for the answer to this question.
My final remarks
Not only will the questions you ask give you answers, but the questions someone asks you will reveal a lot about their intentions. So, trust how you feel about the person in front of you, and if the tone feels off, listen to your second thoughts; they’re usually gut feelings in disguise. Happy chatting!