Due to pop culture’s growing obsession with DIY projects, decorating a dorm room has become one of the most important parts of a collegiette’s life. For the most part, this excitement lasts only until we get here and realize that that living in a dorm room is much different than designing one. In honor of the one month anniversary of move-in day, here’s fifteen things I’ve learned during my first month in a college dorm, as told by the ever sassy Michele Tanner.
1. The dorm honeymoon phase lasts approximately two hours.
“This isn’t that bad.” —said the freshman who is so new they still have a lanyard around their neck. Talk to me in ten minutes.
2. Decorations are the bane of your existence.
When you come back from that three hour lab to find out that your tapestry has fallen for the thousandth time, you will question why Pinterest makes life look so easy.
3. You miss showering without flip-flops more than you miss your family.
Basically, you’re eight years old again and are living at summer camp. Isn’t college great?
4. There is always a creepy boyfriend who uses your bathroom more than you do.
You probably won’t even know whose boyfriend he is because all he does is go in and out of the same room at weird hours. Sorry for wanting to brush my teeth in private.
5. Always make sure your roommate isn’t leaving before you go to shower.
Unless, of course, you enjoy pounding on your own door in a dripping towel.
6. The fastest way to make friends is food.
It’ll be rough handing over those care package cookies, but your dorm will become the place to be. Free food is a magnet.
7. Contrary to popular belief, laundry does not do itself.
You will not be the only freshman in the laundry room on the phone with your Mom asking her how to adult properly. It’s a dog-eat-dog world down there.
8. Cooking in a dorm room microwave is not fun. Period.
While you’re busy being fancy with your mug cakes, I’ll be over here eating my oatmeal and granola bars. Oatmeal is cheap. Granola bars are cheap. Cheap food is the best food.
9. There are bugs. Bugs are not fun.
Pro-tip: Befriend every guy on your floor. Offer snacks in exchange for bug squashing.
10. You will have a love-hate relationship with the girls on your floor.
Although they will always be there to eat junk food and help get you home at the end of the night, you can only hear about what Tommy’s frat brother said to Sarah so many times.
11. Dorm walls are paper thin.
You will hear everything. And by everything, I mean everything. Don’t be that person.
12. Dorm room lighting stinks.
Fifty years ago, some guy who had it out for us decided to install fluorescent lighting, forcing you to either find natural light or to leave for your 8am looking like the bride of Frankenstein.
13. Being alone will make you miss home.
Home cooked meals, annoying siblings, Mom’s constant Facebook updates and Dad’s terrible jokes—you will miss living in a house full of people and animals.
14. Never trust a random plastic water bottle.
Maybe its from the gym, maybe its from last Saturday. Who knows?
15. At some point, you will start referring to your shoe-box as “home” and it will hit you that you are now a college student.
You’ve got to love your Dorm Sweet Dorm.
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