No, I am not your manic pixie dream girl. I am not this enigma of a woman, the projection of everything good in this world that will catalyst your spontaneity and fervor for life; I am not going to heal your every heartache and past trauma. I am no different from Jessica in your English class or Sarah who you met through friends.
At first glance being put on a pedestal gives no impression that it could be negative- it’s simply someone holding you to higher standards. If done in a way that’s not intrusive, and rather uplifting, the idea of accountability for being a better person can be a positive thing. But looking at my own history, and the pasts of my friends and fellow women, being put on a pedestal ultimately leads to overall disappointment.
You’re framed in a way that makes you almost holier than most people, it excuses behavior that normally is unacceptable, and it puts a precedent on your behavior. If you react to a situation like a normal human being with anger, rather than how the person you’re talking to thinks you should act, it can cause a huge shift in how the person identifies you. You no longer fit into the box that you were originally organized in. You’re not like other girls, so why are you reacting like other girls do?
It’s hurtful because it feels like you’re disappointing someone just by being yourself. You were destined to fail. You can only uphold a character for so long before you have to just be yourself. This isn’t a matter of a normal breakup where you get into an argument that can’t be resolved, but it simply can be the person becoming bored or frustrated by your personality. You’re no longer their “muse.”
On the other hand, I am subject to idolizing a person. I get this idea of someone in my head, and when I get bored of the daydreams surrounding them I, in turn, get bored of them. I flounder between people I am trying to pursue romantically because I can’t stay entertained by someone long enough to keep them around for any circumstantial amount of time. Now, this may be result of long self-sabotage in my case where it’s easier to like the idea of someone and be the one to get bored of them. At least it’s not you who’s not good enough.
Either way, the cycle flows, from perceptions being put onto you or you putting ideas onto someone else, it’s not healthy. Falling in love with the idea of someone is detrimental to everyone involved; It’s hurtful to the person because they feel as if they haven’t gotten a fair shot at a relationship and it’s frustrating to the person who’s projecting their ideals onto someone because no one is ever going to be as perfect as their daydreams.