We’ve all been there… that awkward experience we just can’t shake, so what’s left to do? Laugh because now you have a good story:
Anon 1: It all started when my boyfriend came up for the weekend. We hadn’t seen each other for a while and so we didn’t waste any time getting down to business. Things started to heat up and everything was going well, until I was on top doing my thing. We were more into it than we ever had been before and completely in our zones. It was at that moment that it happened. This unavoidable noise unwillingly came out, echoing. There was no way not to notice the queef that had just surfaced. It was random and abrupt and loud. I instinctively covered my mouth for some reason and we stopped for a minute. He asked if the noise was me and there was no way I could say no. I laughed out of embarrassment and he laughed out of shock at the magnitude but didn’t let it stop us. Since this day I learned that there’s nothing you can do to prevent it from happening again, so just let it happen.
Anon 2: Sex isn’t always romantic and perfect, sometimes it can be super awkward and embarrassing. Sex stories can be the best stories, especially when they’re shared with someone you love and feel comfortable with. One of my favorites doesn’t really involve the act of sex at all; just condoms, a public restaurant, and my boyfriend’s mom. Turns out men aren’t good at finding hiding places outside of their sock drawers and their closets. So while doing laundry his mom came across a nice pack of condoms and decided to invite us both to lunch to discuss it. Of course I thought it was just a typical get together. During our meal she pulls a box full of condoms and puts them in the middle of the table. She proceeds to give us a religious sex talk as the waitress was filling our water glasses over the box of condoms. It ended with us leaving (politely) and never discussing the incident again. I found it extremely funny while he, of course, found it mortifying. Needless to say, it took awhile to be comfortable around her again, and I learned that men are terrible at hiding things.
Anon 3: This story is about to shock some, and make laugh others. I wish this could be a story about amazing sex with simultaneous orgasms, but instead it has a slight gruesome twist. One weekend, I went to visit this Canadian friend of mine, we’ll call him Dave, in Buffalo. He was on a school trip with his fraternity and he offered for me to spend the night at the hotel they were staying at. It was only about an hour and a half drive and I liked this guy so I decided to go along with it. We had a fun night with his friends, and then socialized and drank in the hotel room when we got back. I had a glass or two of wine and after a little bit, one of his friends ended up falling asleep on one of the beds. He was out cold. By this time, everyone had left the room besides Dave and I and his passed out friend. We started making out and taking our clothes off. It was getting hot and heavy and we started having really good sex. At one point we decided to switch positions, me leaning over the bed and him behind me. The thrusting motion from behind, which normally should feel good, ended up swaying the liquid in my stomach back and forth to the point where I literally threw up in my mouth. It was enough where I had to motion him to stop and run to the bathroom to spit it out. I rinsed out my mouth and told him what happened, thinking this is where things would stop because it’s not exactly a turn on, but oh no…we didn’t stop. He ended up going down on me which didn’t last long because out of the blue I felt this jolt of pain. I wasn’t sure what had happened so I let him continue but it hurt so much that I had to tell him to stop. He had bite me. He didn’t believe me at first saying he’d never do that but as I was sitting there, knees clenched to my chest, in pain, I shifted my body a bit to explore the damage and saw a huge stain of blood on the sheets. The look of horror we both gave each other was followed by loud banging on the door from his friends trying to get in. Needless to say…it was an experience I’ll never forget.
Anon 4: So my story isn’t so much embarrassing for the actual act, but for what happened after. It was embarrassing and nerve-wracking and I thought both myself and the guy I was with were going to have heart attacks. It was right at the end of the fall semester my sophomore year and my boyfriend at the time was going back home in North Carolina for the winter break so we decided to go out with a bang – so to speak.Things were going great…until I got a text message from my dad: “Hey hun, I’m here! I’m right outside your dorm.” Cue the panic and frantic getting dressed and presentable before he comes in. In the middle of me and my boyfriend putting our pants on, a knock on my suite door comes. “Hun, it’s dad!” Crap. I finished getting all my clothes on and I run out of my room and thankfully my dad had to go to the bathroom. While he was in the bathroom, my boyfriend finished getting “his” clothes on and placed himself at my desk to “casually” meet my dad.He helps pack up my car, meets my dad and we say goodbye. My dad and I get in the car and my dad turns to me and asks, “why was he wearing your dance team shirt?” Crap.
Anon 4 Pt. 2: I had been talking to this kid, who I meet through mutual organizations and hung out a couple times. Needless to say, we decided to take it all the way. Of course, it being the first (real) time, it started off swimmingly…. Until I went to get comfortable and kneed him in the face. I immediately started apologizing and borderline freaked out in guilt but he kept telling me it was fine and that he wasn’t mad. Once I calmed down, we started up again … until he got a nose bleed from me kneeing him in the face. Let me tell you, this wasn’t a little nose bleed. It was gushing and the first thing that I responded with was, “at least it’s not your vagina”. Face palm and hides in corner for eternity. I still, to this day, don’t know why he stayed with me after that.
Anon 5: One time in high school, I went to this guy’s house to hook up after school let out. He was blessed in the pants and he really wanted a blowjob. So I’m giving him a blowjob when he pushes my head a little farther down and hits my gag reflex. I threw up a little on his dick and was so embarrassed that I literally ran out.
Anon 6: I was a leader for YES, a religious retreat for teenagers, its main goal to bring you closer to God. The night before YES, while there was confession going on upstairs, I was setting up the room with a friend who I also kinda liked. In the past, we had flirted here and there, nothing serious, but that night things went beyond flirting and before I knew what was going on we were messing around in the downstairs room of the church, right next to the Jesus cut out and above the palm branches. Not gonna lie, I was having a good time and felt zero remorse, that is until one of the priests came to check up on us… He didn’t see anything but you could definitely tell we weren’t doing what we were supposed to be doing. And to make things even more awkward, I was pressured into participating in confession by one of the nuns, were not only did I have to face the Father after what just happened, after confessing my sins he asked me if I had anything else to get off my chest, any more recent sins.
Anon 7: When I was a junior in high school I had been dating my then-boyfriend for about a year and a half and we decided we were ready to “do the deed”. Needless to say it was awkward, on my bathroom floor, and I almost asked him “is it in?” when it was.
About a week later he told everyone in a game of “never have I ever” and I started being called a slut. During gym class I started venting to my friend (let’s call her Ally) after that Ally and I became really close. I started hanging out at her house after school and her mom loved me, she said Ally never had friends that were girls. Her mom got so excited that she wanted us to go camping like she used to do with her old friends.
We took her family tent, found a cheap campground and set up camp. Ally got super talkative and the conversation turned very sexual very quick. She told me she was a dominatrix, rattled off the names of 15 guys she slept with, their dick sizes, and what their specialty was in bed.
This conversation went on for hours, I was getting very uncomfortable hearing about her kinky preferences when she told me she was going to get something. I was a little concerned that she was walking to her car alone at 2:30 in the morning for what I thought must have been a forgotten toiletry. To my horror she came back with a guy who was 24 (I was 17). He then sat so he was blocking the entrance to the tent, blowing his cigarette smoke in my face, and letting his eyes roam all over me. Ally then introduced us and said he was going to ‘keep us both company’.
After the attempted threesome incident we mutually never wanted to talk to each other ever again.