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Thank GOD for Dress Codes

High school administrations realize that all male students have the attention span of a goldfish. Thankfully many schools have dress codes to prevent distractions. It was extremely hard for me to focus in class with seductive clothing and shoulders everywhere I looked. The following are a few common dress code rules that I am thankful for.


1. Uniforms

I wish my high school could have had uniforms. I mean, who doesn’t want to look like their in a cult? It’s not like anyone chooses to express themselves through their clothing anyway.


2. No Pyjamas

The way baggy pyjama pants loosely fit and expose absolutely nothing gets every guy going. When you say pyjamas, I think bed. When you say bed, I think sex. Therefore, pyjamas are the most sexual of clothing. Don’t get mad at me, I’m just stating facts. *shrug*




These are definitely NOT the most comfortable pants in the world. Women DEFINITELY just wear these to get attention. Come on ladies, who are you kidding. Just because we’re sitting down for most of the day in rows of desks that mostly obstruct the view of your butt doesn’t mean I can’t feel the presence of that spandex-cotton blend.



Shoulders… the most seductive part of a person’s body… This is what men look for. The way the light from the rising sun bounces off of a girl’s shoulders in the morning as we trudge into class at 8 AM is truly alluring. I’ve heard stories of men forgetting to take entire exams as a result of a woman provocatively displaying her shoulders in a tank top.



If women can at least follow these simple guidelines then the world as a whole will be more productive. If you don’t know what to wear, throw on an extremely large poncho and you’ll be fine. Even a garbage bag with a hole cut in the top will do! When in doubt, just cover every inch of skin on your body. If everyone does their part, MAYBE men can control themselves.

Alex Mozes

PS Behrend '20

Alex Mozes Senior at Penn State Behrend Mechanical Engineering Technology Major President of Tone-Acious: The Behrend Acapella Group Treasurer of HerCampus Behrend Chapter Tutor for Writing, Physics, and Solid Modeling
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