Self-love and self-worth are two very important concepts that everyone needs in their lives. However, the one thing that is often forgotten about is the fact that they do not just apply to us.
About a month ago I was scrolling through the internet and happened to stumble upon a short text post that was discussing love. Now, normally when you find sad posts about love on the Internet they tend to discuss things like “do not settle,” or “you deserve better,” basically trying to build up the self-esteem of the reader by validating their self-worth. While I think this is completely justifiable, I know that it’s not always reality for every situation. So many people now a days have difficulty with relationships and honestly have no clue what a good relationship looks like, which I have been guilty of myself. But the one thing most of these standard articles and posts never discuss is when YOU are that person that the article is describing-when you yourself are the one that is causing harm and heartache to the other party. That is exactly what this text post highlighted, and it hit me like a ton of bricks.
Sometimes we, as humans, have a habit of automatically taking more of a defensive stance in situations, and don’t really see that we are the wrong-doers and the violators. Sometimes the other party needs to do what is best for themselves despite our own feelings on the matter, and we forget that. We forget that people ARE allowed to leave us, to break up with us, to love us but not want to be with us and to not want to talk to us. We forget that people are allowed to put their happiness above our own, even if we are not a part of their happiness. We are afraid to come to terms with the fact that they have every right to move on from us, fall in love with someone new, and not want us in their lives at all, even if we want them in ours. We often forget that people are allowed to do whatever they want or need to better their lives and love themselves, and that is something we do not have the right to be bitter about. We are often told that we must strive for our own happiness and learn to love ourselves, so why do we feel it’s unjust when our former counterparts are trying to do just the same? If you have every right to move on from a toxic situation or person, doesn’t that mean that they have that same exact right? It is hard to see yourself as that toxic person in someone’s life because it often isn’t discussed in that context, but I can honestly say that I have personally been that toxic individual for someone at least once. It is a hard thing to admit or even see, but sometimes you just need to take a step back, suck up your pride, and really look at the situation. Once you fully assess the situation, no matter how hard it is to accept, you need to remember that they have every right to do what is best for them, because if the roles were reversed, so would you. Self-love and happiness in relationships and friendships is not a one-way street, and that is something we all often forget, myself included.