About 2.5% of children in the United States are adopted every year. In the year 2005, I was part of that 2.5%. My experience growing up was incredibly unique which was both a good and bad thing. Therefore, I can not speak for every person who has been adopted because my story is different than most. However, I can relate to several feeling that many adopted children face. Those include: curiosity about family that you weren’t able to be a part of, anger about that same family, and incredible gratitude and love for the family that took you in and treated you as their own.
Let us take a journey back to 1995. My mother at the time was 18 and my father 15, already the story of how I came about is off to a bad start. My mother was in Erie, PA living with relatives because her bad behavior was too much for my grandmother to handle. Living in Erie obviously didn’t work to fix that bad behavior because about a year later I made my royal entrance into the world.
My mother moved back to her home state, halfway across the country. Being raised by a single mother was extremely hard in my case. I wish I could say my life was like Gilmore Girls, but it more resembles an episode of Shameless… without the funny parts. Drugs, alcohol, and abuse were all frequents parts of my life. At the age of 5 I had three younger sisters who I took care of full time. I changed their diapers, made their meals, and tried to keep them away from things I had to face. My sisters all had the same father who was present in their life, mine was not. Their father was very caring towards them (as much as he could be for a drug dealer). I wish I could say he was as caring towards me but he seemed to want to make each day of my life a living hell.
By the middle of my first grade year, I had already missed the majority of my school days and it was looking like I wasn’t going to pass. Because of this, I had family members intervene in order to make sure I got through school. During the next three years, I lived back and forth between three different family members and attended five separate schools. Thanks to the help of these family members I got through school and made it to the fourth grade.
In fourth grade, I was adopted by my grandparents who had been doing a lot to make sure life was better for me. They became my mom and dad. They had a daughter who became my sister. I had a loving family and life seemed to be good.
I wish I could say that happiness lasted forever, but with my new happiness came problems. I still saw my biological mom, which was often stressful. We had a very particular relationship… mostly involving me acting like the mother. She tried to make me feel like it was always my fault that we didn’t have a good relationship. I didn’t call enough, I left my sisters, and so on. Of course I felt bad that I left my sisters behind, but at the age of 10, I did not have very much power. I should have tried to be there for them more and 11 years later, I am still trying to make up for it.
Living with my adopted parents was great for about six years, until things started to fall apart. My parents got divorced, and I found out my dad had a serious gambling problem. After realizing that he stole a large amount of money from me, our relationship was ruined. It was rough to have this perfect family dream I had been living shatter.
Shortly after that, I made the decision to reach out to my biological father. Like the millennial teenager I was, I looked him up on Facebook. I still remember sending the Facebook request and sweating from nervousness. He accepted and we started building a relationship. I began to feel like I missed out on getting to know an entire side of my family. So I made the decision to move to Pennsylvania and go to college so I could get closer to the family I never knew growing up.
Personally, I think it was one of the best decision I’ve ever made. My family in my home state felt very differently. My adopted mom especially was incredibly harsh to me about the decision, making me feel like I was betraying my entire family and everything she did for me. Even three years later my relationships with my family members in my home state are still shaky.
So, if you have made it to the end of my story you are probably feeling like you’re watching a bad movie and I completely understand. However, my story made helped me learn a lot of life lessons. I realized I could still love my adopted parents and be incredibly grateful for all they have done for me while still acting on my curiousity about my biological dad. I also learned that I don’t have to let what happened to me as a child affect my entire life. By being adopted I was given a fresh start. I truly don’t have any idea where I would be if I hadn’t gotten adopted but I can guarantee it probably wouldn’t here, writing this article. I am incredibly happy now and would not be where I am today without all these experiences.