“Daddy issues” are something that a large amount of women, and even men, can relate to. No matter the story, many people can attribute problems in their personal life, relationships and possibly even mentality to their upbringing. Some of our writers have been brave enough to share their own personal experiences with their fathers and how it has affected them:
Anonymous A: My daddy issues have been filled with disappointment and sparked a different viewpoint on how I see relationships. My parents were never together growing up. When I was three years old, my father moved away from me and I only saw him about once a year. He would make promises to me and ask if I wanted to go places or do certain things – but in the end there would always be an excuse as to why we couldn’t do it. My dad also had a new girlfriend every year I saw him. In my mind, I’ve always believed that relationships weren’t meant to last. Even when he finally got married I noticed the way he treated her still wasn’t right. He would drive drunk with her and myself in the car. After many years of coming to terms with his character, my daddy issues have gotten better. He has gotten help and we are starting to bring our relationship back to something that is normal and healthy. There will always be issues, but at the end of the day he is still my father and I will always love him.
Anonymous B: When you grow up, you look at your father as a superhero. He has the essence of someone who is unstoppable, but then as you stop believing in fairytales and princesses you realize that your knight in shining armor is nothing more than a mirage. As you grow up, you also realize that it’s best that the cheater left the picture. You could see how it made your mother a stronger woman to raise you alone instead of having a cheating man on her shoulders as a partner. Therefore, instead of blaming your father for causing you to have daddy issues, thank him. Because of him your mother became stronger and raised you and gave you the best she could no matter the obstacles. As someone who struggled for years with her father, I learned it is better to forgive and move on than to hold a grudge, I held it for three years and now that I let it go I feel free and happier. Also remember that it is important for you to go through these things in life because they help shape the person you become. The pain in your chest will get better from him being gone, it will go away.
Anonymous C: Getting a C on a test, not putting away the dishes, accidently spilling something, contradicting what you are told even slightly – these are the flames that spark the bombs. When something happened that my dad didn’t like, he would ultimately, for lack of a better term, explode. That’s what his fits of anger were, complete explosions of red hot emotion. Similar to a bomb, he would detonate and then it would all be over – but everything in his wake would still be feeling the reverberations. Once he finished screaming it would all be over, but that is not how I work. Every negative word and raised pitch would resound through my entire body, every time his voice hit a certain octave I could feel my entire being freeze. I look at myself today and realize just how much these reverberations even still resound with me. Not only do I jump at loud noises and sudden movements, but I also immediately shut down the second someone yells or is angry with me. My body automatically prepares for the impact and the fear, and tears immediately try to surface. I have become such a people pleaser in fear that I am walking into a minefield. Not only has this affected my actions, but also how I view relationships. My father is not a bad man, nor does he realize how his temper affects those around him – but I do. Watching the way he will even yell at my mother has made relationships and love seem like something I do not want. I am firm in my desire to live my life as a completely independent woman, but I would be lying if I said he didn’t have some contribution to the severity of where I stand with this. I by no means have a perfect relationship with my father, but even so, at the end of the day he is my father even through all of this.
Anonymous D: Most people don’t know that daddy issues can also be developed after you’re 18, which freaking sucks… See, I used to be really close with my dad, since growing up my mom was always busy between work and getting two MBA’s and a PhD, it’s safe to assume that he was always present. So, obviously, I picked up a few of his hobbies and realized that we have a lot in common. My dad used to be my hero, the man that all the guys I ever dated had to live up to, since he was such a big part of my life. But I guess I’ll always remember that August night of 2012, when we found out my dad was cheating on my mom. Now, by that time I was 18, so I was clearly taken aback, but despite the fact that I was closer to my dad at the time, I felt this undeniable sense of betrayal. He did not only cheat on my mom, it felt like he had also broken the bond between him and I. I got over this somewhat fast though, and I think it’s my mom who also tried to make things better just as quickly. After Christmas, the way I looked at my father’s infidelity was as a revelation, my hero had suddenly turned human and that was ok. It wasn’t until one year later, when I came home from studying abroad, that I realized that the infidelity was just barely the tip of the iceberg. Everything had changed and all of a sudden the warmth of my return home was quickly replaced by the cold truth. My dad was not who I thought he was… I don’t really want to get into what happened, but all I can say that the truth felt like someone I loved had died and was replaced by a complete stranger. I’ve never been much of a crier, but I’ll always remember 2013 as the year where I cried myself to sleep every night. After my dad left, I felt this intense feeling of protection towards my mom and my sisters, the true heroes of my life. Since what happened, my social anxiety and my overall anxiety in general went through the roof and my depression was at its worse. I was always cautious around people, but now it was different, I felt alone and no one could be trusted so I wouldn’t let anyone in, because letting people in meant getting attached and that only led to getting hurt. I couldn’t go near guys because I was truly bitter and hurt, and my already bad commitment issues were straight up out of control. This changed when I came to Behrend. Here, I felt the need to find a place where I belonged, so I met people and I had experiences that have changed me for the better. I no longer see my dad as a villain, but I still carry with me some of the fears that used to haunt me back then. I’m not saying that I’m 100% back to who I used to be and I don’t know if I’ll ever be that way ever again -because being sarcastic and cynical is too much fun-, but here I’ve found people that are worth opening up to. It’s taken me four years to find a balance between who I was and who I am now and I’m not saying I’m ready to fall in love and get married -the thought of commitment still makes me queasy-, but my heart and soul have finally started to heal themselves. I finally want to forgive and heal. My dad might’ve bruised my heart, but he didn’t break it.
Even though “daddy issues” are not an actual psychological diagnosis, they are still very prominent in numerous cultures over a multitude of generations. Everyone has a different story and relationship with their parents, so for those of you reading who may one day become, or even those who are already parents, please make sure you realize how your actions can affect your child. “So fathers, be good to your daughters. Daughters will love like you do. Girls become lovers who turn into mothers, so mothers be good to your daughters too.” We are all people, so why can’t we all just be kind and treat others as we wish to be treated? At the end of the day it’s not just about your relationship to the person, but should also be the desire to be a good human being.