Lessons I Had to Learn on my Own

When I started college, I will admit, I had a lot of growing up to do. Being away from my family for months at a time forced me to learn important life lessons. These lessons were something that really opened my eyes to the person that I was vs. the person that I wanted to be. 


The first lesson that I had to learn was that you can’t make everyone happy all the time. When I was growing up, I was constantly being told to put others first, put others ahead of you. Something that I didn't hear, however, was that you can only truly put others first if you meet your needs prior. What I mean by this is to make sure that you are putting your needs ahead of others’ wants. 


From day to day, I was constantly putting everyone's wants and needs ahead of mine. I was constantly trying to make everyone happy that I started to lose myself. I was so worried about letting people down that I would run hours on end but to make sure no one was upset with me. While it is important to be selfless, consistently sacrificing your happiness is not okay. The saying “ You can only start to love others when you learn you to first love yourself” is something that I learned to hold true in my adult life. You can only be a leader when you are true to yourself and authentic


Image from: https://www.heinzmarketing.com/2018/11/putting-yourself-first-means-your...


The second thing that I learned on my own was that no one cares how much you have, how flashy materials are, or how perfect your life is. Those that do care, in the end, will not matter. Strong, deep relationships are not built on materialistic things, but, rather, the ideas that we share with each other. Relationships are made by the connection we made with each other's souls rather than their objects. 


At the end of our lives, we will not be remembered for the nice car or house that we had. No one will remember if you wore nice clothes or had expensive accessories. They remember the relationships that you had together, how you had an impact on their life. When I was younger, I remember always trying to impress people with expensive things. I thought that it would make others like me. When I grew up, I started to realize that those who liked me for what I had rather than who I was were not people that I wanted around me. 


Image from: https://www.njlifehacks.com/materialism-happiness/


Not everyone will want you to succeed, and that is a tough pill to swallow. People will constantly try and bring you down. Growing up, I took a good look at those that I was surrounding myself around, and I started to notice all of the negative people I had in my life. I saw these negative people were not only bringing me down, but they were also holding me back. Accepting the fact that sometimes you have to leave harmful people is not easy. It was not easy for me, being the people pleaser I am, but it is was so important. 


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The last thing important thing that I had to learn on my own is the fact that it is okay not to be okay. It's okay not to be perfect. Growing up, deep down, I knew that there was something wrong with my mental health. I always thought that it was embarrassing or abnormal to have mental health issues. I did not want to be different from others around me because I already had trouble fitting in. One day I reached my breaking point, my mental health was so drained. I didn't feel real, I couldn't get out of bed, and I couldn't perform simple tasks without breaking down. When I finally accepted that I wasn't okay, I started to become okay. Tells those around me what I was going through allowed me to have to courage to get help. It gave me the courage to accept the fact that I have DPD, depression, and anxiety. It helped me learn that it's not embarrassing and allowed me to become better mentally.


Image from: https://www.nych.ca/blog-posts/2018/1/26/its-okay-not-to-be-okay