“Can you help me do this?”
uhh..
“Let’s hangout!”
ummm….
“Can you take an extra shift?”
Well…….
“Are you okay with that?”
You see……….
“Babe, please..?”
……………………..
Articulating the word no is something that despite having gotten better at I still have nowhere near fully mastered. This one syllable word can seem like a foreign sound in the mouths of some, and frankly almost unheard of in others. For a two letter word, the word “no” causes more problems than any other answer in the English language – in my less than professional opinion. You think because it is so small, and relatively should be quick to say, that it can come out just as easily. Well let me tell you, this can be awfully far from the truth.
If I am being honest, most people who know me would probably describe me as sort of a pushover. I prefer not to make the decisions, in case it’s not what the other party would want, and just kind of blow in the breeze. I genuinely receive joy from making people happy – but a lot of the time this has meant sacrificing my own happiness. I will do almost anything in my power to make people happy which can be considered both a good and bad quality. Being a good person should never be thought of negatively, but good people sometimes struggle with using the word “no”.
Whether it be saying no to hanging out when you are tired, helping a friend when you have your own work or even telling your SO you are not comfortable going farther right now – these situations are very real and happen all the time. When I was younger, I was never able to actually tell people no. I would either cave and lie immediately or show enough discomfort or hesitation that they would hopefully take the hint and not continue to coerce me into it. Being a “go with the flow” type of person in not a bad thing, but allowing yourself to be forced into things you don’t want to do is. The times I let myself be talked into things is exactly why I’ve started using the word no more.
Don’t let yourself be subject to regrets because you were too afraid of disappointing someone. Will you letting them down for a day matter in five years? Or will the weight of being unable to deny people what they ask of you weigh heavier? It is okay to tell people NO. You have the right to make your own decisions. If it affects YOU, you have a say in what goes on. And most importantly, you can still be a good person even if you use that big, scary, two letter word.
We, as individuals, deserve to have our opinions be heard if it concerns us, so don’t let articulating one tiny sound scare you so much anymore. I know that this is easier said than done, trust me, but just practicing every so often will make saying no to the really big things all the more easier and can help you seem more adamant in your stances on things. And on the other hand, for those reading this who are good at saying no and know people who are not; do not take advantage of people just because you know you can get away with it. That my dear readers is someone who is not a very nice person. So remember – be kind, be you, and say NO.