Well, not really. Maybe. Actually, I’m not so sure. What should I do? What do YOU want me to do? No, I don’t think I will be. … But yet again, maybe I will. I think I should… wait a little longer, maybe.
Indecisive is defined as (of a person) not having or showing the ability to make decisions quickly and effectively. In the Urban Dictionary world, it is defined as, “when one sucks at choosing”. Probably the best, short definition of the word. It is that simple. Indecisive people just seriously suck at choosing things. I am by no means bashing those who struggle with the finality of making decisions because I, too, struggle with it. But there comes a point where being wishy-washy about absolutely everything is too much…especially if you end up being friends with or dating an equally, if not, more hesitant person than you. To reference Chidi (undoubtedly the most indecisive character) from the TV show The Good Place, “[when making decisions] my stomach hurts.”
I’ll paint the scene for you and use a real life example. **It’s New Year’s Eve and you and the SO are trying to figure out which friend’s house you are going to celebrate. You and your cutie both have friends having parties so the decision is already a difficult one. Whose friend do you choose? You each have reasons and counter-arguments on going to your respective friend’s house, but in the end, you both don’t care where you go as long as you ring in the New Year together. So you put the decision-making into your partner’s hands…but they don’t ever make the decision…and don’t tell you until a couple hours before you should be leaving for the party. Now it’s past when you should have left and you and the beau are sitting there trying to decide where you go. “Where do you want to go? I don’t care where we go?” “I don’t care we go either, you decide. I’m not deciding.” “No, I’m not deciding, you do it. You choose.” This conversation lasts for about twenty minutes all because we don’t want to step on their toes or make a choice. Finally, it’s resorted to a coin flip as the final answer..but then you can’t decide on that. Having exhausted all “no you chose, no you chose” narrative, you exasperate an answer and leave for the party … two hours later than you should have left in the first place.** (Even though this was a true story in my life, we still had a great time
There are many reasons why people don’t make choices. It scares them, it gives them anxiety, scared of the finality of a decision, commitment problems, fear of making the bad/wrong choice, hurting someone’s feelings, seeming selfish, unsure if you’ll have a good time, regret or feeling guilty about making the decision, the list goes on and on.
All valid reasons but sometimes it has detrimental effects. Being indecisive can cause the other people in your life to get irritated, annoyed, frustrated or mad. It can cause you (or others) to be late to things or miss events entirely. It can rob you and others from having a good time. It can drive the ones you care most about away. Luckily, there is help and there are ways to manage indecisiveness.
1. Avoid Overthinking – sounds easier than it is, I know but try not to overthink a situation. Make a pros & cons list and go from there. Writing things out is, surprisingly, very clarifying.
2. If it Can Wait, Let it – there is no need to rush about a decision or worry about it right away if you don’t need to. Take time to weigh the pros and cons (see above) before rushing to a decision and stressing yourself out.
3. Forget Societal Norms – stop focusing on what you “should or shouldn’t do” because it is not what is normal or acceptable. Do what YOU want to do (within reason – please don’t commit crimes). If the decision is for you and you alone, forget about what others may think and do what makes you happiest.
4. Work Out the Fear – some people hate making decisions because of the “what ifs”. Think what the worst that could happen is, then work from that. The goal is to make the fear so obsolete and manageable that it isn’t even anything to be scared of anymore.
5. Trust your Gut – if you keep coming back to the same choice and wanting to make it but keep finding excuses to steer away from it – stop. Your gut and intuition are trying to tell you something. Usually we are right about intuitive choices, so go with it. Trust yourself.
I know all this is easier said than done, and some people aren’t all that indecisive but just chose to because they just hate being the decision-maker. Unfortunately though, there comes a time where we all have to make a choice about something and it’s good to start practicing how to decide in an effective way.