When I was a little kid, I was boy crazy— like journaling-the-daily-tales-of-my-love-life-as-a-third-grader crazy. The craziness only lasted until I was actually able to date, according to my parents standards, and by that point I had braces and was in my extremely awkward stage. I was a brace-faced sixteen year old who felt too uncomfortable to talk to guys. I think back on my elementary years and wish that at my awkward point I would have had the fire I did as a kid!
When I was in grade school, I remember the boys I had crushes on would, a lot of times, pick on me, pull my hair, or prank me by putting a fake snake in my desk. I am not a fan of snakes whatsoever, and the boys in my class knew, so my fearful reaction was always at their disposal. I’m not saying that I never retaliated, because I did—absolutely! In a way, it felt nice to give it back to the boys who thought they could pull one over on me; It felt nice to have the attention of a boy, even if he was trying to get a rise out of me.
As I got older, I started becoming more self-conscious around guys. I was in the stage of my life where I was trying to navigate myself and who I was, and guys were a whole other entity that I wasn’t going to try to understand (even though deep inside I wanted to). As well, I think that a lot of my self-consciousness came from the fact that I felt as though guys were always looking. When I would go with my girlfriends somewhere, or walk past a group of guys in the hallway, the piercing stares and comments would, more often than not, accompany. Walking by those guys was like a group of sheep trying to scoot past the radar of a wolf— it’s uncomfortable and inherently scary.
This dominant controlling behavior all goes back to the mindset as a kid where, if someone was picking on you, they liked you. Now, as a young adult, that controlling behavior translates as demeaning stare-downs, and cat-calling.
Cat-calling is a verbalized, snap-judgement that is not only childish but unacceptable. It can really affect those whom fall victim to this kind of harassment very negatively. No matter how one identifies, no matter who someone is, no matter what they like or don’t—no one deserves to be put on the spot just for the sake of the another’s sick, self pleasure. It’s a very objectifying feeling thinking how someone is judging you based on your looks, or what you are doing at that moment in time.
I never realized how truly hurtful that this kind of behavior was until I was really called out one day last fall. I was walking to my friend’s place when this group of guys, who lived in a near-by apartment, called out, “Hey! Hey blondie, why don’t you come sit on my face?” I stopped in my tracks trying to process what I had just heard. I thought, ‘Did someone really just say that to me? Did a total stranger just call me out like that?!’ I was so taken aback that it really didn’t hit me until I had gotten to the apartment. I had had such a terrible day with work and school, that that guy’s comment sent me over the edge. I found myself in tears questioning how people could be so rude and inconsiderate.
The fact of the matter is that this kind of behavior happens… all of the time. The problem therein lies in the way that many allow this type of behavior to continue without saying anything or calling out the wrong-doer. The way to fix, and continue to fix, this problem is to recognize that this kind of hurtful harassment exists and to call out people who partake in such egotistical antics, all while sticking up for those who fall victim. Stick up for the poor soul that you see being unnecessarily called out! Speak out for the friend that feels uncomfortable walking past that group and go grab his or her arm in alliance! If we all keep in mind that cat-calling and judgement based harassment are two totally unacceptable occurrences, then we may see change in the hopes that one day, this beahvior is obsolete.