About 10 years ago, my mom and I were invited to some guy named Nate’s house. We didn’t know him very well, but going over to his house meant I could continue to procrastinate on cleaning my room (and we all know that everyone loves procrastinating) so we ventured over.
Nate sort of reminded me of a stereotypical frat boy. He seemed like some young (he was 24 and only three years younger than my mom but still…), cool and fun looking guy who barbequed and drank beer with his friends every weekend. If anyone knows me, I love cool, chill, super fun guys like that. I went home that day and told my mom that I hope she would get married to a guy like that. Now it is 9 years later, they have been married for four years and have two 8 month year old babies to show for it.
Stepparents can be a very sensitive subject. Some people love them; these people volunteer to be your parent and try to be the best parent they can be. Others hate them; they may fight not have equal respect. Every situation is different, which makes writing this actually really hard, however, looking back on my experience, I think that there are three stages of the relationship.
The first is the tantrum stage. When my stepdad first started coming around, I threw tantrums like there was no tomorrow. It didn’t matter how much I liked him, I was protective of my mom so he had to really prove himself. When he would come over, I would throw complete fits. When he would give my mom a hug, I would throw a tantrum. When he would say something to me that I didn’t like, I would throw a tantrum. My goal during this stage was to just ruin his life.
Stage two is the hot and cold stage. After the first year, Nate and I had a love/hate relationship. We would either be best friends or we would be throwing attitude and yelling – which lasted a while. This stage really allows for both parties to test their limits on what they can and cannot do and say.
The final stage is one that may take a while to get to. This is the stage of true understanding and acceptance. Personally, it took me eight years and going to college to get here. When you are 2,600 miles away from home you realize things. You realize who misses you, who is willing to help you and who genuinely cares about you.
To sum things up, parenting is hard and whether you want them or not, your stepparent is there. As someone who has had a stepparent for the last 10 years, I would say a few things. Be patient because even though they aren’t your biological parent, they probably really care about you, even more than you know. Give them the respect they deserve, they are voluntarily taking on the hardest job in the world and it’s not a job that you can just jump into and be great at. Lastly, always give them a chance. Whether they want to take you out to lunch or even show you their crazy family traditions, stepparents do not wake up thinking, “Hmm… what can I do to ruin this person’s day?” They care about you. They want to get to know you. They want to be your family. Let these people into your life and it may truly be the best decision of you could ever make.