I’m sure you’ve all noticed the newest addition to Providence College: it’s tall, silver, and takes up half of Slavin Lawn. This summer, construction commenced for Calabria Plaza, a really large statue of a flame right in the middle of upper campus. While some (freshmen) think it’s cool, most of us can agree it’s not something necessary to the PC community. In celebration of its unveiling to the school, I’ve decided to make fun of it. Here’s some things the torch looks like:
1) A gigantic, 3-headed drill
This was the obvious one. Given its looks, I’d say the statue was built to commemorate all of the construction that’s happened on campus recently (which is a LOT).
2) A Hershey Kiss
Unwrapped, of course. What’s better than having an obnoxious tribute to your favorite candy on Slavin Lawn? (Trick question: actual Hershey’s Kisses would be better.)
3) Flowers blooming
This one sounds like a compliment to the statue, but it’s not. Remember those plastic flowers you buy for tropical themed parties? Well, before they bloom, they look SCARY AF. *Almost* as scary as the actual statue.
4) Something Edward Scissorhands would want as a third hand
For anybody who’s seem the film, you’ve seen him cut hair expertly. He could use it as a weird curling iron.
5) A really good whisk
Put that thing at the bottom of a Nutribullet & you’ve got a smoothie in 5 seconds.
6) An Italian’s hand
It doesn’t look like just ANY hand. It looks like that stereotypically Italian gesture, usually signaling confusion. It seems the statue is just as confused as we are about why it’s there.
7) A complete waste of 1.3 million dollars
Hey, at least it beats Brown University’s statue of kids holding hands that looks like it’s made out of tin foil. Don’t even get me STARTED on their scary blue bear statue.
(I mean, seriously? Is it even a bear?)
We complained last year when we felt that all of our tuition money goes towards upkeep of the pristine grass. After the Calabria Plaza was built, I think we can all agree that we’d rather pay for the grass for eternity than to look at that gigantic statue of a flame any longer.