“Expect the unexpected.” This is a saying I have heard all my life. How do you expect the unexpected, truly? How do you expect for your day to go differently than it normally would. Everyday, we wake up and get ready to start our days. Do the normal routine: shower, brush our teeth, stare into the closet for about 20 minutes trying to figure out an outfit, finally pick out the outfit, make coffee or tea and grab a bite to eat and be on with the day. We either get ready to go work or go to class and get ready to start the day. But we never expect when a curve ball will be thrown our way and mess up that routine. Maybe your car won’t start, maybe your phone fell into the toilet, the bus is taking very long, there’s heavy downpour and you cant see very well, or Godzilla is attacking a space alien and trying to save the town. Whatever the scenario may be, we just never expect the unexpected.
On the day my life changed, I did not expect the unexpected. It started out like a day that I had expected to be like any other: Classes, lunch, homework, soccer practice, hang out with my friends. It was any other day… but when my phone went off and I got that text from him asking me to hang out, I could not resist. I knew he had a girlfriend and I was talking to someone on the football team but we were just friends. Nothing was wrong with just hanging out together. I expected nothing to happen.
He came over to my room and I was more than excited to finally hang out with him. We talked for a little bit, flirted ever so much, I could feel the butterflies going crazy in my stomach, almost close to a zoo if you must describe it as such. He touched my hand and immediately it felt like I had just ran a marathon. He wanted me to kiss him, he told me. I didn’t feel right doing so, but I told him if we both stop seeing other people, we can. I knew I was doing the right thing even though I really wanted to kiss him. He got up from his seat and was getting ready to leave. He asked for a hug. I said sure. I went to hug him. He grabbed my face and kissed me. But it didn’t feel like a kiss. It felt like a Dementor was trying to give me a Dementor’s kiss. I tried to push him away but I was not strong enough. He kept pushing his lips onto mine. He pushed him onto my bed. I kept saying, “No stop!” He did not listen. He grabbed my neck, hard like he was trying to snap a twig in half. I felt powerless. He bit my chest, telling me that this is what I wanted and I liked it like this. I knew I didn’t like it. I wanted it to stop. I wanted him to realize that in this moment, he was ruining me. He tried to take my skinny jeans off, but they wouldn’t come off. I could see the flames of Hades coming off him for how angry he was getting. I saw my window of opportunity. I kicked him square in the chest. He finally got off. I could see my shirt ripped and my heart beating faster than it ever had before. Immediately, I could feel the anger of a thousand Sparten men surging through me. I got up and smacked him and screamed, “I SAID NO!” Without any hestitation, he grabbed my arms and threw me onto the bed, choked me again, and looked at me like he was ready to beat me for what I had done. He said so viciously, “You like it rough and you wanted this to happen, you dumb slut. Don’t text me anymore. I don’t want my girlfriend finding out about this.” He walked out of my room without a second thought.
I did not expect the unexpected. I did not expect what felt like my life completely shattered within a few seconds. I did not expect to drink most of my freshmen year and almost not pass. I did not expect to have anxiety attacks every time I was touched by a male. I did not expect to start to have a panic attack every time I saw my attacker on campus, laughing and acting like he did not destroy me. I did not expect him to lie to his girlfriend and tell her I had tried to hook up with him. I did not expect a few of my friends to not believe me. I did not expect my life to turn upside down.
I blamed myself countless times. I told myself that it was my karma for something I had down. The marks that he had left on my skin were a constant remainder of what had happened. I did not tell the police about what he did to me when I know I should have. I knew I would not win. So I decided to let him win. I did not believe that I could move on from this…. However yet again, I did not expect the unexpected. This is a message to everyone who is a victim of sexual assault of any kind. This is not your fault! You did not ask for this to happen to you. Whatever you were wearing, saying, doing: IT DOES NOT MATTER. If you did not want it to happen, you are victim. If you are a victim, please do realize that you will move on from this horrible incident that has occurred from this.
Here are the necessary steps you should be taking to move on from this:
1. Please, please, please tell someone. A friend, your parent, anybody. You need to have someone who is going to be your side through this whole painful process.
2. Seek out help. It may seem like nobody will be able to hear your voice or understand what is going to help you. There are counselors and support groups who will help you through this.
3. If you feel comfortable enough, go to the police and tell them what happened. I know I did not go to the police when I had the chance, but there is not a day that goes by that I wish I had. I could have shown my attacker that I am strong enough to take him on.
4. Do not start self medicating, drinking, or taking drugs. That will only numb the pain and only make it worse when it finally comes time to feel it.
5. Take the time you need to get through this. Cry about it. Scream about it. But do realize that you will not stay in this spot of darkness forever. THERE IS A LIGHT AT THE END OF THIS DARK TUNNEL. Remember that this incident does not define you as a person. You are still an amazing person and you will continue to be amazing through all of this.
The necessary things to remember:
1. You will not let your attacker take control of your life.
2. You will not let your attacker think that he has won over you.
3. You will get through this. One step, one day at a time.
4. There are people who are there for you, whether it does not feel like it. There are people who want nothing more than for you to get better and get through this.
5. You are strong enough to move past this.
What happened to me was horrible and traumatizing. I did not think that I could go on from what happened. How would I be able to get through in any relationship from this point on? How would I be able to let any man touch intimately? How would I be able to trust anyone at this point? But regardless of what anyone may think about it, I did not ask for this to happen to me. Three years after my assault, I took the necessary steps that I needed to do to get better. I may not have gone to the police but I did what I needed to do for myself. It’s still taking time but I refuse with all my might to let my attacker think that he has any of control over me. Everyday, I grow more and more in ways I had never imagined. I did not expect to grow to be this strong. I did not expect to be sitting here, writing this article, telling those my story. I did not expect that I would be able to say other people that “It does get better.” I truly did not expect the unexpected.