Continuing with last week’s topic, I will again be discussing fashion. After giving a glimpse into what guys want (or in some cases don’t want) to see girls wearing, I’ve decided to turn the tables. In this week’s fashion installment I will be looking into what girls want to see their ideal man dressed in, from head to toe and everywhere in between. If you are tired of having an unfashionable boyfriend or just want to help a platonic male friend look his best, this is the article for you. I don’t mean to brag, but I’m pretty popular with the ladies, so I’d like to think that this list is pretty comprehensive. If you still don’t believe that I’m an expert on men’s fashion, then read on and prepare to be proven wrong.
1. Fanny Packs
Nothing drives girls wild like fanny packs. It’s a proven fact. Evolutionarily speaking, women have always chosen men with large checkbooks. By wearing a fanny pack, a man is essentially saying to all of the women at the bar that his pockets are so fat, he had to attach another pocket around his waist. Or, in my case, you just need somewhere to carry around your emergency jar of peanut butter. Either way, the fanny pack is a must-have accessory for any man on the go.
Highroller status
2. Mandals
What differentiates mandals from sandals is about a dozen more straps on the former. Ladies always talk about wanting a guy with a sense of adventure, but at the same time, they want someone to kick back and relax with. When a guy wears mandals he is essentially saying that he wants the comfort of sandals, but he is so intense that he needs to be strapped into his footwear in case he needs to do something EXTREME. Just look at them. They might be the most extreme footwear ever!
Even more EXTREME with SOCKS!!!
3. Visors
Hats are passé. Girls go crazy for guys with hair that they can run their fingers through, or at least that’s what all of the hair product commercials tell me. Unfortunately, nothing cramps a guy’s style more than having a horrendously sunburnt face. Luckily, visors exist. Now your man can show off his luxurious mane and shield his face from the sun’s harsh rays at the same time. For a more innovative look, try flipping the visor upside down and maybe even slightly to the side.
Few can compete with this impressive swagger
4. Neck-beards
Just as wearing a traditional hat negates the potential to show off one’s hair, growing a full beard can mask a beautiful face. As discussed in last week’s article, I don’t trust anyone who hides their entire face. However, some guys do look good with facial hair, and a beard is a great way for a guy to show off how manly he is. The neck-beard provides the unique opportunity to show off both your ability to grow a beard, and your lovely facial structure. It also fits perfectly into the new homeless chic look that is going to be so hot this fall.
A classic look for the modern man
5. Ed Hardy Shirts
These literally hit you in the face with coolness. With hip designs such as Tigers, Eagles, and Skulls, plus sweet phrases such as, “love kills slowly” you know that these shirts are the absolute pinnacle of coolness. When a guy walks into a bar wearing an Ed Hardy shirt with a giant eagle blazoned across his chest, everybody knows he is the alpha male in the establishment.
So much manly pattern!
Bonus:
Speaking of alpha males, here’s me in my more formative years pulling off what I would consider to be a top notch outfit for any guy. Note: The flamingo is not optional for this ensemble.