I’m going to open up this article by sharing with you a past experience. Here goes.
So I used to have this huge crush on this girl named Chloe, and she would flirt with me, lead me on, all that jazz. The only problem is she would always ask me to help her out with things that were particularly inconvenient for me: take her to get food, help her with homework, and a bunch of other trivial things. I didn’t particularly enjoy doing any of these things for her, but I was ok with the flirtatious attention it got me. I would ask some of my friends for advice on how to handle this situation and one of the things I would hear from time to time is “Are you sleeping with her? No…then why are you doing anything for her?” A good question indeed. But I’m not that kind of guy, though I know many are, and that was not my agenda for anything I did, but it got me to reflect a little and think of what she brought to the table when it came to our friendship. I came up with nothing. She was nice to me when she needed something; otherwise she was often bitter and critical. But damn was she attractive, that athletic body with those blue eyes and blonde hair, wow. But that was no excuse for using me, so I came to the conclusion that our “friendship” had run its course, and that’s that.
Too often gorgeous girls take advantage of guys, whether they know them or not, in order to gain some sort of advantage. This could be for errands or food or things that may not seem like a big deal at the moment, but over time they add up. I feel that this is not only an unfair way of treating another person, but it is something that can stigmatize a person’s reputation, and could even shape the way that a particular guy views females in general. I do not think that a vast majority of girls do this on a regular basis, although there are those who do. A problem in my opinion, however, is the fact that girls can act in this way on occasion without even realizing it.
I will relate it through an analogy that I think fits. I’m in a fraternity, and we are told explicitly that we are not allowed to haze. Now hazing is also a slippery slope, because there are many things that you would never think of that could be construed as “hazing”, for example a scavenger hunt. Now, while this may not seem like hazing in the least, many national organizations would deem this hazing, because it is forcing associate members to do an activity that separates them from initiated brothers for the latter’s enjoyment (or “just because”). I think many of you, considering UT’s butt chugging incident, would not consider something this minor “hazing.” In the same way, a girl may not think that her overly friendly behavior with a freshman boy is “using” or “leading him on”, just before she asks him to pick up her bill because she forgot her purse.
This is so readily applied everywhere because, bluntly, guys think with their penises. It is ridiculous that women are still objectified in today’s day and age, but honestly, by behaving like that, many are just fueling that fire. Women, on the whole, are so adept in so many different areas that it is a shame to see many take the easy way out of a situation by using another to get ahead. If handled the right way, it is more than possible to attack each priority without using your sexual allure as a tool, and frankly, one would be better without its (mis)use. It’s nearly a proven statistic that women are smarter, more organized, and more driven than men, so I am certain that you ladies do not need any more help in running the world.
Another thing along this spectrum is the fact that some women use sex as a tool to get what they want from men, even when in a relationship. By this I mean the use sex as a reward for their husbands or boyfriends in order to make them act in the desired manner, but is that a fair practice? More importantly, is it a healthy one for your relationship? I would argue that it is not, unless you see your significant other as one of the dogs in Pavlov’s conditioning experiment (sorry, I’m a psych major, that’s my best analogy). If it is equality that women desire in a relationship, then the best way to get it is not to diminish the man’s status within that context by punishment (as if he is a child), but it is to work as a team to build up one another. If one is holding something over the other’s head, the only thing to come of that is separation and discord, definitely not characteristics of a fruitful relationship.
Too many girls ignore this fact, however, because the immediate satisfaction is too good to ignore. Though, this sullies the feminine population for many men, who just think that girls are “gold diggers” or act only with their best interests at heart, ignoring any harm they may inflict upon anyone else. I have a very different view of women, and that is one of pure beauty, but in order to show the rest of the world what I see, it is crucial that some guidelines be drawn. There is a simple solution to this misuse of flirting, and that is being more careful in exchanges when asking men for help, because if things aren’t absolutely clear, there may be mixed messages sent.
Overall, women use their sexuality in a wide range of ways, but sometimes it is used as a tool for them to get what they want in any given situation. If you’re an individual who wants to be happy as well as make those you care about happy, then this is not the practice that is going to foster the growth that you seek in this/these relationship(s). So, all you beautiful ladies here at Pitt, be conscious of when you may be misleading, because there are many more worthwhile ways that you can get what you need, you just have to explore your options!
I am Chris Baker, and this is my first article for HerCampus. Thanks for reading!
Photo Credits here.