Thoughts I Had While Watching Twilight as An Adult

Twilight was one of my favorite movies when I was 12, and it might have been yours too. I re-watched it recently (can you say procrastination?) and I cannot believe how different it is from how I remembered it.

Here are some thoughts I had while watching it all over again:

 

1. As far as melodramatic teen movie openings go, this one takes the cake:

 “I’d never given much thought to how I would die but dying in the place of someone I love seems like a good way to go.” – Bella Swan

2. Are there really that many cacti in Arizona?

3. Forks is actually kind of pretty.

4. Okay, they actually nailed exactly how Charlie and Bella should behave around each other.

(“You like purple right?” “Yeah, purple’s cool.” …………… “OK.”)

5. The dialogue in this movie may be tied with Juno for strangest way of speaking.

6. What are the odds that the volleyball would hit Mike in the head? Also, how did Jessica get there so quickly? Is she actually vampire too?

7. “Speedo padding on the swim team”—OMG are they discussing penises? How did I miss that the other 500 times I’ve watched this?

8. 108 years old and Edward still can’t control his lust? Typical. I’ll bet he even blames Bella.

9. These kids have a literal hippie van and I am here for it.

10. Why are her mittens so ridiculous but they can’t give her a proper jacket?

11. Oh look, Edward’s back. Now he’s going to second guess her ability to accurately do basic biology.  At least Bella’s got a little attitude to her and gives it right back. You go girlfriend.

12. Why does everybody drive such big trucks and vans?

13. Thank goodness Edward is super speedy or this would’ve been a really stupid story.

14. Why does Rosalie hate Bella already? What’d she ever do to you?

15. Honestly, the way Bella let down Mike was probably as tactful as she gets AND she plays wingwoman for Jessica- NICE.

16. This biology teacher is wildly enthusiastic and he’s officially my favorite character.

17. The apple falling is such a great moment. Did Robert Pattinson actually have to do that? Is it a special effect? Either way, sweet.

18. “What if I’m not the hero? What if I’m the bad guy?” My goodness, dude. Just tell her and get it over with.

19. Way to go, Bella, dishing out the feminist advice. Too bad she won’t follow it herself. *shrugs*

20. Is that kid chasing his crush with a snake? Is that some sort of weird metaphor?

21. She could at least PRETEND to be a little interested in the dress shopping. Also, why did her friends to just let her wander off after a group of nasty dudes just walked by?

22. C’mon man, just give her some answers already. She’s onto you.

23. That pepper spray from Charlie sure would’ve come in handy like five minutes ago. I don’t think it’ll be much help against vampires though.

24.

Seriously… just tell her you’re a “vegetarian.” You don’t have to show her that you’re sparkly.

25. Alright, now you’re just showing off. Must you rip up an innocent tree?

26. “I’ve killed people before.” “It doesn’t matter.” “I wanted to kill you…” “I trust you.” Where is Bella’s inner survival instinct???!

27. 

Honestly this might be the best way to describe this scene. I absolutely loved it nine years ago, and it is a nice quote if we weren’t talking about some weirdly fetishized relationship that enthralled middle and high school girls everywhere.

28. “First, Edward was a vampire. Second, there was a part of him, and I didn’t know how dominant that part might be, that thirsted for my blood. And third, I was unconditionally, irrevocably in love with him.” Silly high schoolers, always thinking they’re in love. Willing to ruin their entire future just for a taste of love’s fickle sweetness. *gags*

29. Why does Bella suddenly gain a sense of humor when she’s around vampires?

30. “You better hold on tight, spider monkey!” Why does this make me smile like an idiot?

31. This piano piece is my favorite thing ever.

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32. I’d be a little creeped out if someone just made a habit of coming through my window and watching me sleep, but do you, Bella.

33. That is soooooo not the way to tell your dad about your new boyfriend. As much as I hate the “dad-protecting-his-daughter’s-virginity” trope, Charlie cracks me up in this scene.

34. Best sports scene in any movie, hands down.

35. Why does everyone want to eat Bella? She’s not that great anyway.

36. Poor Charlie- that was quite the argument. Bella didn’t have to go there, did she?

37. *swoons*

38. Sometimes Bella is such a moron- does she honestly think her mom managed to get to Arizona that quickly?

39. “I’d never given much thought to how I would die but dying in the place of someone I love seems like a good way to go. I can’t bring myself to regret the decisions I made that brought me face-to-face with death… they also brought me to Edward.” Just when you think Bella is talking about dying to save her mom, she goes back to being stuck on Edward. Priorities.

40. Told you that pepper spray wouldn’t work with the vampires.

41. “Death is painful. Easy. Life is harder.” You got that right, girlfriend, but you don’t know the half of it.

42. Bella at prom? Amazing. Jacob at prom? Even better. Team Jacob forever.

43. I definitely don’t remember the prom scene being so fun, but alright. Also the pavilion is so pretty. Maybe I would’ve danced at my prom if there had been a pretty pavilion (or maybe if I had a date… *shrug*)

44. @Edward, why do you have to fake her out? But maybe you have a point… she is being kind of selfish by being aware of the fact that she’s going to get older and eventually that fact that you’re together will be even weird. But, yeah, be stubborn.

45. Victoria looks a woman on a mission. Bella should really watch out for her… she could be dangerous… or something.

Picture Credits: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5