Saturday morning, six thirty a.m.
“Louis is the Doncaster Sassmaster.”
I open an eye. “Who is the what?”
She is busily messaging on her phone. “Louis. You know, my Louis? OMG, my friend saw One Direction live in concert in Singapore! Can we go?”
I groan and roll over in bed. Because there is absolutely no use in arguing with your sister when she is fangirling over the world’s hottest boyband, One Direction.
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, these are the highly-desirable, musically-gifted young men that have won the hearts of most teenage girls in the world. One Direction – Niall, Louis, Liam, Zayn, and Harry – is an English-Irish boyband that formed on the sets of the X-Factor. Since their beginnings in 2011, they have won five Brit Awards, four MTV Video Music Awards, and nineteen Teen Choice awards, just to name a few. Well, to name 28 of their impressive awards (I would love to see that mantelpiece where they display their awards; it must be worse than a New York City traffic jam at 5 p.m).
The reason I know all of these facts, other than my admirable Wikipedia-searching skills, is thanks to my little pop star-in-the-making: my thirteen year-old sister Neeharika. The sheer overload of One Direction posters in her room has imprinted their angelic faces on my mind, which she would say is a good thing. I was convinced she was joking when she first announced that she is officially a Directioner. I mean, it was only last month that she spammed our entire extended family with images of Justin Bieber – from him shaving his nonexistent moustache to his feet to his ‘bro face’ (What exactly is a bro face? Someone please educate me…). So one can hardly blame me for being skeptical of her sudden change to the guys she detested last month. Yes, my sister managed a complete 180; from hating One Direction, she now loves them enough to have the following conversation with me:
Neeharika: “If 1D ever comes on tour nearby, you are going to tell Tommo how much I love him.”
Me: “That’s nice…”
Neeharika: “I’m going to marry Lou someday, you know. Hey, we can have a combined wedding!”
Me: “Either you will have to marry very early or I’ll marry very, very late for this to work…”
Neeharika: “Hmm. Oh wait, can I marry five boys at a time?”
(Here, I paused and nearly choked. But the sight of Louis’ face beaming down at me softened my heart. I mean, the guy was basically asking for my permission to marry my sister. And, what the heck, he’s taken up residence in her room already; they’re essentially a married couple.)
Me: “Sure, I’ll deal with the paperwork. You just figure out the logistics.”
Neeharika: “Or I could marry Louis and be the girlfriend of all the rest…”
I used to like One Direction a lot more before li’l sis became obsessed. I mean, they sing well, they look good, and they dress preppy – a winning combination if I’ve ever seen one. But when Niall, Louis, Liam, Zayn, and Harry essentially act as residential third-, fourth-, fifth-, sixth-, and seventh-wheelers in any conversation with my sister, my love for them starts becoming tinged with annoyance.
Of course, the drama doesn’t stop with marriage plans and interesting potential scenarios of polyandry. No, my little sister also defends the members of One Direction with the same passion I show towards water sanitation plants and environmental journalism. And for the uninitiated, that is a LOT of passion right there. Take a look at her defense of Zayn Malik on Facebook (I was equal parts impressed by her passion and horrified to see it so publicly displayed) as an example:
Directioner sister takes on role of Zayn Malik’s newest bodyguard.
But actually. When I was thirteen, I spent my time playing with friends and exploring my neighbourhood and the woods surrounding it. When I was thirteen, I would read books on nature or on mythological fiction from around the world. My knowledge of pop culture was limited to Britney Spears, The Suite Life of Zack and Cody, and a vague understanding of Miley Cyrus’ split personality syndrome as Hannah Montana. Maybe if One Direction had formed when I was 13, I would have thrown common sense to the wind and fallen in love with them. But being the same age as these boys, I can say that my main feeling for them is one of deep respect. It takes a lot of coordination and energy to form a band, and they clearly have enough musical talent to place third on the X-Factor. And while their music is distinctly pop-based, it is catered towards their fans (teenage girls like my sister). So hats off to One Direction for achieving so much in four years; I wouldn’t be able to garner such a vast fan following in that short a period of time.
Although it would be useful in finding a potential significant other…
Maybe I will take a leaf out of my sister’s book.
Image credit: 1, author’s own (2, 3)