Hey, y’all! Here is the second edition of So You Had To Ask! I’m so happy with the questions you have sent in. They are amazing; keep them coming!
Q: Am I allowed to f**k an RA from my building?
A: Hi there! I’m not exactly sure what the rules are, but if it’s your own RA, then my guess is that it’s against the rules. If it’s a different RA on a different floor than yours, it might be okay. Let’s say it isn’t against the rules to hook up with your RA. What happens afterwards? Maybe you just wanted it to be a one-time thing and he/she doesn’t? Or vice versa. That could create a potentially awkward situation. If you do decide to get with your RA, be careful!
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Q: Hey Bekah,
So, I met this really nice guy in one of my classes pretty early on in the semester, and I really like him. Okay, big whoops right? The thing is I meet tons of really nice guys daily but, because my gaydar is total sh*t, I normally try not to flirt or react in any way that might be perceived as not “normal.” It’s not that I’m not out or anything, it’s just far simpler to interact with people without having to wonder if them knowing is weighing in on their interaction with me.
The point is I found out, concretely, that he actually likes guys in that way but for the first time in my life I have no idea how to respond. Normally, I’m really good at this kind of thing but for some reason I feel kind of paralyzed when I’m around him.
Help!
A: It sounds like you really like him, which would explain why you get paralyzed around him! Just try and be yourself around him and don’t think about what you’re doing too much! If you start thinking, “Oh, what if he thinks this is weird?” or, “What if I said something wrong?” then you’ll just second guess everything you are doing and end up being something completely different from who you are. Chances are, he likes you for you, especially if he is asking to see you or hang out with you. If he ends up not liking you, his loss!
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Q: What do you do if you’ve been sexiled from your room but need to get in there?
A: Well, if you or someone you know has been kept out of your room because your roommate is having sex in there, DO NOT JUST GO INTO THE ROOM!!! That would just be weird for everybody. Just wait until they are done and then talk to your roommate about it. If you really need to get something in your room immediately, call your roommate. If she/he doesn’t answer, knock on the door a few times. If there is still no answer, then just go in. It’s going to be weird and they’re probably going to be angry, but hey, you tried to warn them! Only barge in if it really is urgent, like a life or death situation or you forgot your biology homework and you need it for the class in five minutes. Hopefully, you won’t have to barge in like that, but who knows! After, just make sure you have all of your stuff before you leave the room and have your roommate warn you that they’re bringing someone home with them in order to avoid all of the awkwardness!
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Q: I’ll be turning 18 soon and I really want to get a tattoo, but my mom hates them. Should I wait until I move out?
A: The rebellious teenager in me says DO IT! DO IT NOW (sorry mom). The rational adult in me says, talk to her about it. Try to convince her that it’s your body, you are paying for it, and it’s something that you really want. When you talk to her, do it calmly and don’t get defensive. That just shows her that you are acting like a child and don’t deserve a tattoo. If you can talk to her and rationalize with her, she’ll be more inclined to say yes. Or just do what I did with my dad when I got my nose pierced and tell her that you’re going to do it no matter what, so she better accept it. Be prepared for reverse psychology (i.e. “You can do whatever you want”). If she says no, then just wait until you move out.
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Q: Dear Bekah,
I really want to get a boyfriend but I’m too awkward to talk to guys. How do I put myself out there?
Sincerely,
Too awkward to talk to boys
A: For a second, I thought I wrote this question to myself. Wow, okay. My advice would be, just go for it! If you do or say something awkward, just laugh at it. It’s only awkward if you make it that way. Just start a conversation about anything. Like how you hate the biology teacher you both have, or how you think his hair is sexy pushed back like that (I reference Mean Girls way too often, but I’m not even sorry). Just be you. If he stops talking to you because you said something that just came out awkward, he isn’t worth your time anyway. He has no idea what he just lost.
Q: My boyfriend wants to do BDSM related things but I’m not ready, how do I tell him that?
A: You just need to straight up tell him no. If you aren’t ready for something, you need to voice your opinion. He should respect that opinion and if he tries to force it on you, get out. No one should ever try to force something, especially something that serious, on you. It’s your body and if you don’t want to do something, don’t do it. Only do it if it really interests you. If you are doing it solely because he wants to, don’t. If or when you are ready, just be safe and make sure you want to do it and that you trust him!
Thank y’all so much for all the amazing questions! Keep sending them in to soyouhadtoask@gmail.com and follow us on twitter @SoYouHadToAsk.