I am fast approaching the end of my time here at Pitt. My body falls comfortably with every step against the pavement, and the smell of sewage and torn up roads now slip into my nose as gently as an embrace from a friend. On a campus that relishes inconsistent roads and health center policies, there are a few things a Pitt student can depend on: the beauty of an untouched campus, the long wait times at any Einstein’s location and the filth which pervades every crevice and every floor of a Hillman Library bathroom.
As a regular to the library, I have many memories deeply tied to its well-loved wooden chairs. Weeping about math finals I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to pass. Sneaking in hot food with my friends in a hope to gain nourishment. Flirting with my partner in between discussion board posts and papers. Scowling at people who decide that 10 p.m. in the library is the best time to show everyone in a 15-foot radius how well their velociraptor scream is coming along. Hillman may not have provided me a spouse or a degree just yet, but it has given me so many memories that I will be sure to cherish for decades to come. I have so many stories in my treasure chest of Pitt memories, but some of the greatest hits come from the horrors of he restroom. So here I am; a senior, reminiscing about my time here. And as tribute to this ever evolving campus, I am here to present… an Ode to Hillman Toilets.
Hillman Bathrooms
Sticky Floors
Stained seats of red and yellow
Faint smell of unwashed sweat off the body’s toll
The scratch of my finger nails against an empty toilet paper roll
You are all that and more.
4th Floor Bathroom
Silent air
Panicked flush of thin paper that’s new
Cold wet hair of flushes past the air
The burning blow of a half working hand dryer
You are the best of the bunch
3rd Floor Bathroom
Broken
Defeated in the onslaught of innovation
Many moons have passed you by
Your haunted toilets now run dry
Will we ever see you again?
2nd Floor Bathroom
No seats
Of porcelain or wood
Screaming from above and below
The smell emanates from the ground, you know
Not as bad as the rest though
1st Floor Bathroom
Premature Flush
No paper to spare
Sink soaked with soap and with tears
But what lies below, lies our deepest fears
…
Ground Floor Bathroom
Heinous… the worst
Every inch soaked with something unknown
Germs of things past stuck to your skin
Sweat? Tears? Water? It all clings to the spirit within
Nothing to dry
Machines break down
Paper never comes
As each day passes, so goes another girl
Who won’t wipe down the seat
Please… be reasonable
Hillman bathrooms
You are the worst
But you are of Pitt
And for that
Leaving you makes my heart burst