The Lalastalk Of Books And Glasses

A Senior’s Ode to Hillman Bathrooms

I am fast approaching the end of my time here at Pitt. My body falls comfortably with every step against the pavement, and the smell of sewage and torn up roads now slip into my nose as gently as an embrace from a friend. On a campus that relishes inconsistent roads and health center policies, there are a few things a Pitt student can depend on: the beauty of an untouched campus, the long wait times at any Einstein’s location and the filth which pervades every crevice and every floor of a Hillman Library bathroom.

As a regular to the library, I have many memories deeply tied to its well-loved wooden chairs. Weeping about math finals I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to pass. Sneaking in hot food with my friends in a hope to gain nourishment. Flirting with my partner in between discussion board posts and papers. Scowling at people who decide that 10 p.m. in the library is the best time to show everyone in a 15-foot radius how well their velociraptor scream is coming along. Hillman may not have provided me a spouse or a degree just yet, but it has given me so many memories that I will be sure to cherish for decades to come. I have so many stories in my treasure chest of Pitt memories, but some of the greatest hits come from the horrors of he restroom. So here I am; a senior, reminiscing about my time here. And as tribute to this ever evolving campus, I am here to present… an Ode to Hillman Toilets.

skincare products on sink counter

Hillman Bathrooms

Sticky Floors

Stained seats of red and yellow

Faint smell of unwashed sweat off the body’s toll

The scratch of my finger nails against an empty toilet paper roll

You are all that and more.

4th Floor Bathroom

Silent air

Panicked flush of thin paper that’s new

Cold wet hair of flushes past the air

The burning blow of a half working hand dryer

You are the best of the bunch

3rd Floor Bathroom

Broken

Defeated in the onslaught of innovation

Many moons have passed you by

Your haunted toilets now run dry

Will we ever see you again?

2nd Floor Bathroom

No seats

Of porcelain or wood

Screaming from above and below

The smell emanates from the ground, you know

Not as bad as the rest though

1st Floor Bathroom

Premature Flush

No paper to spare

Sink soaked with soap and with tears

But what lies below, lies our deepest fears

Ground Floor Bathroom

Heinous… the worst

Every inch soaked with something unknown

Germs of things past stuck to your skin

Sweat? Tears? Water? It all clings to the spirit within

Nothing to dry

Machines break down

Paper never comes

As each day passes, so goes another girl

Who won’t wipe down the seat

Please… be reasonable

Hillman bathrooms

You are the worst

But you are of Pitt

And for that

Leaving you makes my heart burst