Girls think about boys A LOT. Many of us had our first crushes in preschool! We saw a boy we thought was cute and we were actually willing to share our animal crackers with him just to gain some of his attention. Now in college boys are a major distraction. For as long as we were surrounded by the same people growing up, we’re in a city now surrounded by faces we don’t know but might like to. There are the athletic ones who are working out in the Pete and the cutely nerdy ones behind a desk at Hillman. And even though there’s the stereotype that frat boys might not be “nice” boys, they’re hardly bad to look at.
But I’ve learned the hard way that boys can come in between friends. Maybe you and friend like the same guy, and it tears you two apart when he goes for one of you. Maybe you spend all of your time with your boyfriend and leave your friend in the dust, thinking she “understands” you wanting to spend time with your guy. Or maybe you suck (sorry) as a wing woman and are only finding guys for yourself while she’s left to talk to the wall at a party. There are lots of ways it can happen, but let me give you some reasons why it shouldn’t.
1. You don’t want to hurt her.
Yes, it feels good getting attention from a guy. But don’t forget to remember that you can’t be in two places at once. All of your attention that is directed towards a boy is attention you are not giving her. No, she does not require all your time, nor should she. That’s not fair. But as your friend, she deserves to be able to spend time with you, and have you make time for her. You don’t want to upset her by not spending any time with her, and thereby giving her the idea that she just isn’t a priority in your life. Remember all of the things she’s done for you and the kind words she’s said to you, and think about how it would be wrong to repay that by deserting her.
2. She knows you.
Your friend knows the music you like and the TV show you’re obsessed with, but she pays a lot more attention than that (which a boy might not). She knows how you take your coffee. She knows how you act when you’re drunk and how to take care of you. She knows what upsets you and what’s important to you. Sometimes you need to have someone around who understands. You don’t want to explain yourself or your problems, you just want to be in the presence of someone that knows and can make it better. That’s what a friend can do, and that’s something incredibly special. Realize that you don’t want to lose that. Even the nicest of boys are clueless. They may listen to you talk but they’re not going to fully understand you like she does. And they’re not going to give you the honest advice that’s both firm and fair that you really need to hear. She took the time to get to know who you are. You can take the time to appreciate that.
3. Your friend will be there when the boy no longer is.
So this is the line you’ve heard before. Boys will come and go. They’ll break your heart or you’ll break theirs. Maybe both. But if you let her, your friend will be there at the start and the end of that relationship. She will stick around when the guy no longer wants to because in truth, she loves you more than he ever did.
There’s always been the saying that friends should come first or that there exists a universal “girl code.” There’s a reason the Spice Girls sing out: “If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends/Make it last forever, friendship never ends”. Their reasoning goes beyond assimilating to a clichĂ©. When you become good friends with someone, they learn to put your heart before theirs. If you don’t treat them right, they’re going to let you at first, because they trust you and want you to be happy. That’s why you can’t fall into that trap. Don’t mistreat the people who love you the most. Put your hoes before your bros.Â