On Saturday, Harvey Weinstein was expelled from the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences in response to him being accused by several women of sexual assault and misconduct. On Sunday, actress Alyssa Milano tweeted, “If you’ve been sexually harassed or assaulted write ‘me too’ as a reply to this tweet.” Since then, hundreds of thousands of women have posted the simple status, #MeToo, to recognize their own personal sexual harassment of assault and to spread awareness.
The first time I saw “Me too” posted, it was the status of a woman that I have respected and admired for years. I felt my stomach twist in knots thinking about someone I loved feeling so much pain. By the end of the day, I had seen at least 20 other women and men with whom I was friends on Facebook post the same chilling two words.
I thought about posting it. I thought about the handful of experiences that I’ve had with sexual misconduct and how much anger and pain I felt. I wanted the woman whose status I had first read, whom I cared about so much, to know I understood and I was there for her. I wanted all of my friends, family, acquaintances and strangers on Facebook to know: Me too.
My “Me too” story took place on a weekday afternoon during the summer before my senior year of high school. I don’t remember most of the day, mainly because I’ve blocked it from my memory. I do remember wearing my favorite strappy sandals that were ridiculously annoying to put on and take off. I went to my guy friend’s house with the intention of watching a movie. As the movie dragged on and one thing led to another, we began kissing and he rolled on top of me. The situation became too much and I found myself feeling uncomfortable. At first I tentatively whispered, “I don’t think this is a good idea.” I didn’t want to lose my friend or our relationship. He continued. I assertively said his name and said, “Please get off of me. Stop!” He continued. I do not remember the minutes following but when he was finished, I came to my senses and ran out of the house. I couldn’t get on the strappy sandals quick enough so I ran out the door of his house, barefoot.
Even after it happened, I tried to be his friend. He told me it was a misunderstanding and he didn’t understand that I didn’t want it. I believed him. I tried to tell my school counselor. She stopped me mid-story and brought in a police officer that told me that if I said what they thought I was going to say, they would have to file a report and I would be responsible for ruining my life and his. I believed them.
This was the incident that opened my eyes to how frequently sexual misconduct appears in my life. Writing this, I think about the time in middle school a boy untied my bathing suit at the pool. I think about all of the times something crude was yelled at me while I ran in a sports bra and spandex. I think about the time I was locked in a closet with another cadet at an ROTC training program by our fellow cadets. I think about my ex-boyfriend telling me that if I wouldn’t have sex with him, he wouldn’t date me. I also think about how I am not the only one. I am never alone.
What I have learned from seeing the numerous posts from my Facebook friends is that my story is not unique. Almost every woman and man has experienced some instance where they feel sexually harassed or assaulted. As much as I wanted to contribute to the movement and show my support for such a great and relatable cause, it didn’t feel right for me. It still doesn’t. Not because it’s not true, not because I don’t believe that it happened and not because I am embarrassed. Rather, because I refuse to let these incidents control my life, I refuse to be a victim, and I refuse to let anyone view me as one.
To the women and men who have shared their experiences, thank you. To the women and men who find themselves nodding in agreement at the posts but have not posted for themselves, you are not alone and you never will be. As comedian Aparna Nancherla put it, we need for #MeToo to turn into “I believe you,” and for “I believe you” to be a part of everyday life, not something that’s only said when it is a viral hash tag.
If you or someone you know are struggling with relationship abuse, visit Love is Respect’s website, call their hotline at 1-(866)-331-9474 or text ‘loveis’ to 22522.