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If Alcohols Were People

Alcohol is famous for its myriad of behavioral effects, or “types of drunks”. It is fascinating—like chemistry, alcoholic chemistry—that a drink can have such an effect on a person. If only there was a person that could showcase each type of alcohol. Lo and behold, here are some examples if alcohols were people.


Vodka is just fermented potato juice. From Vlad to Tito’s, this drink can be used almost anywhere, for any event and almost any drink. Vodka would be your best friend from high school: the funny person who is always down to hangout and encourages you to be bolder.


You don’t need to be 50 to enjoy a gin and tonic. This classic, simple drink is popular for a reason. Gin would be your wise older friend that is willing to lend an ear and meet for happy hour to tell you a story.


A little out of place unless you really enjoy a burning sensation followed by regret.  Whiskey would be the old man, even your uncle, that talks but no one listens: not a fan favorite.


A fan favorite, rum is in more drinks than you think. It is known for its fruity mixers and simple chasers. Coming from a bartender, about 8 out of 10 drinks people ask for are  the classic rum and Coke. Rum would be the person dancing at karaoke night with sunglasses on and zero judgement stares: they let loose.


Not the smoothest of alcohols or shots.  Nonetheless, tequila is a popular choice for shots and the main ingredient in margaritas.  Tequila would be a wry smiling, confident person: their favorite quote? “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.”


If you drink something with vermouth, chances are the drink is either classy, expensive or both.  For instance, the Negroni, Manhattan and Boulevardier are all great drinks and all very classy.


The classic adult juice box, fermented grapes or vino. A glass of vino is always a good choice for any occasion. You can never go wrong with a nice sauvignon blanc or pinot noir. Wine would be you.


Does this choice even need explanation?

Which one do you relate most to?

Photo Credits: cover, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8

Thanks for reading our content! hcxo, HC at Pitt
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