I am not graceful when it comes to receiving criticism. I’m the kind of person who takes pretty much everything personally, even in circumstances when it doesn’t make sense to do so. Whether they are critiques on my writing, criticisms on how well I do in school, or advice on how to improve myself as a person, I always tend to take the words of others to heart, and not always in the most positive way. This is something I’ve never particularly liked about myself and something I’m now determined to change.
I’m no expert, so take this advice as you will. But, while I may not be an expert, I am human, and I have been both the giver and the receiver of criticism. This is just my view on how I think we can all be better communicators and how we can be better people. We can all improve when it comes to helping each other because that’s what criticism really is – helping each other reach our potential.
1. Change your mindset.
This is probably the easiest way to start taking and giving criticism in a much more conducive way. Think of criticism as a way to grow, not as something that holds you back. Don’t let criticism paralyze you into being afraid that you aren’t good enough. You are good enough – that’s why you’re going to try again and do better next time. Criticism is there to help you, not hinder you, and the sooner you realize this, the better off you’ll be.
2. Don’t make it personal.
This applies whether you’re the one giving criticism or receiving it. If you’re giving it, don’t turn your advice into a debate on someone’s character, morals, or beliefs. Focus on the actual reason you’re giving feedback, and try to be as objective as you can. Likewise, if you’re the one on the receiving end, don’t take it to heart! I know it’s much easier said than done, but taking things less personally will help you in so many areas of life.
3. Step away if you have to.
If you’re someone (like me) who isn’t the best at taking criticism, don’t be afraid to step away for a moment. This might sound dramatic, I know, but trust me; in some circumstances, the best thing you can do is take a second to breathe. Sometimes criticism can be unnecessarily harsh, because people can be rude. It happens. Don’t be disheartened, and tell the person you’re talking to if you need a second to take it all in.
4. Body language is everything.
This is more relevant if you’re the one giving criticism, especially when it comes to more sensitive topics. Most communication is nonverbal, so be sure to smile and use body language that shows you have good intentions. Maintain eye contact, and don’t close yourself off to the other person. Be sure that when you do speak, your tone of voice is friendly rather than uncaring, and avoid negative language.
5. Break apart the feedback.
Whether giving or receiving critiques, breaking down why certain things are being said is incredibly helpful. Instead of giving blanket statements about how someone can improve, break down why you feel the way you do. Likewise, if the criticism you receive doesn’t make sense to you, don’t be afraid to ask about it. Breaking things down can be very beneficial and lead to a much more concise conclusion.
6. Have legitimate reasons and solutions.
If you’re going to say something is wrong, you have to have reasons to support your thoughts. Be specific, support your statements with actual examples, and cite precise ways they can improve. The overall goal when you’re offering your opinion is to help someone else, so try your best to be constructive.
7. Own up to your faults.
I’ll flat-out say it: criticism sucks. It sucks to be told that you’re not as talented or prepared as you originally thought. It sucks when other people are right. Be honest with yourself, though, and don’t shut out words of advice because you think you’re too good for them. Don’t deny the fact that sometimes you are wrong and sometimes you mess up. Be humble because we all have room for improvement. Own up to your faults and take feedback graciously.
8. Remember that we are all human, and we all have feelings.
Please don’t take this last piece of advice the wrong way. When giving criticism, you should be honest and say what you feel is right. I’m not telling you to tiptoe around somebody’s feelings, to be afraid of making someone cry or to feel insecure about voicing what you feel needs to be said. Voice what you need to voice; that’s what you’re there for.
But when you are critiquing someone, remember that we’re all people with emotions and different experiences. We’re all enduring something different. Remember to be delicate and to speak your mind with empathy. Don’t lose your humanity because our connection to others is what’s most important.
Basically, don’t be heartless. That’s the only real rule there is.