Girl Fights: Why They Become So Hurtful

 
            I recently witnessed one of the worst fights between girls that I have ever seen.  It was a combination of physical and verbal actions through pushing, door slamming, name calling, and screaming.  The worst part? It happened between two friends, only to leave feelings hurt and nothing resolved.  Why do girls have so much built up emotion that leaves guys wondering how we could possibly carry out a fight for such a long time?  We hold grudges and become so invested in every word that our ‘frenemies’ say until it becomes a constant issue. 
          
    
  I think the roots of this are the verbal attacks women may throw at  each other once they go into defense mode.  Women can instantly pick up on each other’s insecurities, which gives them the power to create such harmful, personal insults. It hurts to be called a name when you know the other person has invested so much time and anger behind every word.  Most guys attest that a shove between the two fighters gets the anger out (not that this is healthy), but then usually the fight is over and they move on.  But girls end up spending much more time, wrapped up in the attempt to hurt feelings, and much less likely to want to just physically fight than boys.  Sure, in extreme cases there may be hair pulling, slapping, or some shoving—but as all this is happening, there is usually some form of verbal attack to top it all off.
         
        What have some of our peers heard through girl fights?  Here are some upsetting quotes I’ve seen and heard.
“You will never be anything.”
“I’ve never hated someone so much in my entire life.”
“You’re not a good person.”
“I never meant anything I’ve said about you that was good.”
“I don’t actually care about you as a friend.”
“You’re disgusting.”
         
       These are all probably phrases we’ve heard or been attacked with in some form.  Although we may shrug it off, sometimes it sticks with us forever and friendships can be completely changed or destroyed.  Sometimes, we may realize the relationship was never healthy and that it was probably a good thing it ended.  But other times, we are left so completely confused and may feel alone or blindsided. Either way, girls need to find alternate ways to work through fights.  Of course, sometimes we can’t help the yelling or the screaming—but we should at least try to stick to the issue rather than bring in other unnecessary jabs since these only bring a person down and could cause emotional pain.  From what I’ve seen and experienced, it certainly doesn’t solve anything or get any issue resolved sooner. 
           
       Hopefully, as we progress through our college years, we can learn to handle situations like this in more mature ways.  It may seem impossible in the moment, but there is always the option to sit down, talk, and remain calm.  Get other friends to mediate a situation without getting involved and to make sure that the actual issue is the only one that is handled.  Personally, I’ve had to bring two of my friends together to end a series of physical and verbal fighting that eventually spread to Facebook. Once the girls relaxed and spoke, they discovered the fight had become overwhelming for both of them and completely blown out of proportion.  The root of the issue was solved and they apologized for all the hurtful and meaningless side-attacks. By recognizing this, we can hopefully fix many of our girl fights.  Overall, don’t create a bigger mess with hateful words and emotional attacks.