Two weeks ago, I read the infamous Vogue article “Is Having a Boyfriend Embarrassing Now?” and it has not left my mind since. The piece sparked a widespread conversation about love, relationships, and how we present them online. Readers have debated whether it is actually embarrassing to have a boyfriend — or whether the article is really about something deeper.
This debate feels so new because, in the past, every girl wanted a boyfriend. In the early days of social media, girls dreamed of cute dates, matching outfits, and documenting their relationships every step of the way. Now, boyfriends are lucky if they get a birthday post on their girlfriend’s Instagram story. It used to be a great achievement to have a boyfriend, and an even bigger one to post about it. This article argues that those times are changing.Â
This brings up an interesting question about the word that is at the center of this debate: what even is embarrassing? The Oxford English Dictionary defines the word “embarrass” as “to make someone feel shy, uncomfortable, or ashamed, particularly in a social setting.” Does this accurately sum up the feeling described here of posting a boyfriend online? Or is the feeling more about visibility, how others perceive you, and trying to maintain a certain image?
To me, this definition only scratches the surface of my interpretation. My biggest takeaway had very little to do with boyfriends themselves. The last thing many modern women want is to be seen reductively as someone’s girlfriend, and this article highlights a new era of independence and personal identity for women. In the past, being single was something to escape; single women looked at those in relationships and longed for a boyfriend. Today, women want to be known as authentically themselves, whether they have a boyfriend or not. They want to be seen as whole individuals, independent of a partner, putting that old “longing for a boyfriend” mentality to rest.
This shift reflects something larger happening culturally: being single is increasingly celebrated. Singleness is viewed as a state of independence, not a temporary phase to shy away from. Women are single by choice. Many would rather be alone than depend on a man — especially one who does not fully meet their needs. This cultural shift reframes singleness as its own form of status. Relationships used to symbolize social achievement, but now a single woman can achieve her desired sense of status entirely on her own. Singleness isn’t a lack in life, it’s a lifestyle built on self-focus and autonomy. You choose a relationship, not the other way around.
Another factor influencing this trend is a growing frustration with the modern dating landscape. Between hookup culture, online dating, and shifting attitudes toward relationships, many women (and men) feel overwhelmed by the ambiguity of dating today. It is hard to know what the other person wants. Some are dating to marry, some never want marriage or kids, some want serious relationships, some want casual fun, and others just want a hookup. There is no fault in any of these intentions, but the odds of finding someone whose goals align with yours at the same moment in time are slim.
As a result of this confusion and frustration, many people are choosing to remain single. Many women in the dating scene (or opting out of it entirely) would rather be single than be with someone who disappoints them, lacks ambition, has different goals, or is simply “embarrassing.” They are waiting for the right person, not settling for someone who fails to meet their expectations just to gain the status of being “a girl with a boyfriend.”
These personal choices are also shaped by how relationships appear online, a conversation that has taken shape over the last few years. Soft launch versus hard launch culture isn’t new; we have shifted toward posting two dinner plates or the back of someone’s head instead of couple photos. In my opinion, this is where the word “embarrassing” comes into play. It is embarrassing when you regularly post your boyfriend and suddenly those posts stop, the photos disappear, and your phone blows up with “What happened??” Breakups happen, but deleting photos and explaining the situation makes the entire experience more uncomfortable. This is part of why soft launches became so popular. Yes, they can be artsy and fun, but they also protect your feed for a while, a place “for the girls.”
The soft launch trend is part of a much larger online culture built around female solidarity. “For the girls” has turned many platforms into hubs of digital feminism. Micro communities across Instagram, TikTok and X celebrate womanhood, including girls hyping each other up, sharing relatable experiences, and creating inside jokes. There is certainly an element of rebelling against the patriarchy, but this culture primarily centers on women uplifting women. It emphasizes female friendship, being a “girls’ girl,” self-love, and living life boldly, or as TikTok would call it, “doing it for the plot.”
We can see this dynamic clearly in influencers like Halley and Jaz, whose podcast was mentioned in the article. Both of them are openly in relationships, yet they still participate in the ongoing conversation about whether having a boyfriend is embarrassing. In social media culture, there is a pervasive “hate all men” attitude, one that even women in loving relationships with men join in on. It has become a social value to appear unbothered and detached, which contributes to the idea that being openly in love or posting your boyfriend is somehow cringe. This raises a bigger question: what does this say about society? Is this hatred real, or is it an exaggerated bit that has simply gone too far?
I could dive into this topic for at least ten pages, because there are so many side conversations embedded within it. Though I do believe some components of this piece stem from embarrassing boyfriends and a “hate all men” attitude, another aspect is female positivity, and that was my biggest takeaway from this piece.Â
Now, I need you to go read Vogue’s “Is Having a Boyfriend Embarrassing Now?” and keep me posted on your interpretation.Â