Dear Dave and Andy,
I am faced with a long-distance relationship problem with a boy, who we can call “Australian Boy” for the sake of privacy. While I was studying abroad I met a guy who I became extremely close with. Our friendship grew very near to an intimate relationship, but never quite far enough. The main problem was that “Australian Boy” already had a girlfriend! And to make things even more interesting, the timing was perfect when he and his girlfriend ended things shortly after the study abroad session was over. Now that would seem like a relief, but here is when the real zinger comes into play… HE IS FROM, AND LIVES, IN AUSTRALIA… and despite living in different continents, we still talk all the time via Skype, text, phone… The emotions and connections are both still very much in existence I think, but the problem is “Australian Boy” isn’t appearing to be the one to make the first move. Should I make the first move and tell him how I feel OR is that a guy’s job to do that and would it be weird if I were to make the first move???
Sincerely,
“Long-Distance Lover”
Hey “Long-Distance Lover”,
After a long discussion between ourselves, we felt as though we explored every possibility and resulting outcome, but we kept coming back to the same conclusion amongst the two of us. It is very apparent that the strong feelings for one-another are still there, and in some ways they might even be more sincere emotions than some local relationships. We both know many couples here at Pitt that don’t talk as often or mesh as well, so this struck us as being something special that needs some specific attention. So with that being said, we are now left with answering the main question… whose job is it to make the first move?
From a guy’s point of view, we were both able to agree that a confident woman is definitely an attractive feature and on top of that a woman who is open to expressing her feelings for a guy is secretively something we really enjoy hearing/experiencing. Stereotypes about relationships always point the finger at the guy, when it comes to making the first move and every move for that matter. To be quite honest, sometimes it gets exhausting and nerve racking doing all the ‘first move’ stuff. A girl who has the confidence to tell a guy ‘I really like you’ or ‘I’m really into you, I’d like to get to know you more’ or anything along those lines is a turn-on to most guys. This is mostly intriguing because we have been told that it was our job for as long as we can remember, so it is new and interesting to meet a girl who is open for being different (in a brave way). This situation presents itself as a once in a lifetime chance and when you care about someone very much, it makes sense to do whatever is necessary for love. From a guy’s perspective, we think this situation can only turn out good for you by making the first move on the “Australian Boy”. On one hand (what we think is more than likely to happen), you will take a big step and find that your actions are a huge turn-on to “Australian Boy”. On the other hand, if for some reason things do not work out as we expect, you will still have found a new sense of confidence, know that you didn’t hold any emotions back, you will have nothing to regret on your part, and if “Australian Boy” is truly who you think he is then you will still have an amazing friendship. To wrap things up, we give four thumbs up for making the first move no matter what stereotypes tell you are ‘right’.
Your Humble Relationship Advisors,
Dave and Andy
Photo Credit here.