For many women, the idea of dating an older man is quite alluring, even if only in a “I’ll try anything once” sort of way. There are so many ways in which to interpret “dating older men” depending on how much of an age difference there is and what the point of the relationship is. Having dated my fair share of older men, I’ve decided to use my experience to show you some of the pros and cons of dating an older man.
I’d like to start by defining what “dating an older man” means for the purposes of this article. In this case, I mean seeing a man who is between seven and 15 years older than you either casually or in a more defined relationship. I am not including having a sugar daddy in this breakdown, but many of the points remain the same.
The Pros
1. There’s less pressure to be the “ideal” woman— Older men tend to be less concerned with things like makeup use or shaving. They’re also typically way more comfortable with normal bodily functions. I’ve felt like I can be a lot more real with my older partners.
2. They have more life experience— It can be very reassuring to have a partner who has seen a bit more of life than you. While they may not have the exact same experiences that you will face, they tend to be able to at least give some general advice or warnings based on what they’ve seen. They also tend to be more adept at listening to a problem and thinking it through before answering, a skill which really does take time to develop.
3. They tend to be more emotionally mature— This will vary a lot depending on the man and on his age, but the extra years of life experience tend to make for a man who is more in tune with his feelings and more willing to share them. That’s not to say that an older man doesn’t have his moments where he could do a little growing up, but overall, I’ve been quite pleased with the emotional maturity and stability I’ve found.
4. They’re often more financially stable— I hesitate to make this point because a lot of people may see it as shallow or “gold-digger” behavior, but dating a man with a stable job in a steady career is nice. Older men are more likely to be focused on work instead of social engagements and they’ve had some extra experience with budgeting and other financial matters. We all know life can be a struggle, but there’s nothing wrong with wanting a partner who has their finances in order.
The Cons
1. People will judge your relationship— Even though it is absolutely none of their business, people will judge and make fun of your relationship because of the age difference. It may come in the form of snide remarks or some interesting stares in public. There’s nothing wrong with having a large age difference in a relationship, but it could make you or your partner, or even both of you, uncomfortable.
2. They have more life experience— The same life experience that is so beneficial can also drive a wedge between you and your partner. It may be something going on in their life that you can’t begin to relate to, or it may be something that you did as part of growing up that they think was silly or out of line. Sometimes with a large age difference comes a large difference in values and beliefs.
3. They may have a more complicated dating history— Many older men may have been married previously or have had at least one extremely serious relationship. Some might even have children. While children or ex-spouses may or may not be a deal breaker for you, it can complicate relationships.
4. You’re in very different places in life— Chances are, the two of you are in different places in life. You may be just starting to build a career or applying to grad school or any number of things that are exciting and mean a big change in life. They may be looking to start settling down. Sometimes the differences in perspective are nice, but sometimes they’re a deal breaker.
SO… is it worth it?
For me, it has absolutely been worth it. I’ve been in a quite a few relationships that were incredibly fulfilling. There are, of course, several more great things about dating older men I didn’t include in this list. There are also more cons that I’ve left out. At the end of the day, just like any other relationship, it depends on you, the person and the circumstances. If it’s something you’re interested in, there’s no harm in trying it out.
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