Halloween is a top-three favorite holiday for most people, myself included. It gives us an opportunity to be someone else for a day, to chow down on some serious candy, and to celebrate the spooky. However, our best-laid plans can often go awry extremely fast and in hugely comical ways. I’ve collected an assortment of personal horror stories from friends and peers that will make even the bravest soul cringe.
My First Story: Junior year of high school, I went to a college to party for Halloween for the first time. I thought I’d be funny and wear a giant inflatable M&M costume. Not long after we got rejected from every party for my ridiculous costume, I snagged myself on a bush and popped my costume. The rest of the night, I walked around looking like a misbegotten turd, bawling my eyes out.
Scott’s Story: My friend’s mom made his costume one time. He was supposed to be a full-body-covered Patrick Star, but she picked a fabric that didn’t breathe, so he spent the night festering in his own heat, sweat, and grime.
My Second Story: We went out two years ago and my boyfriend’s best friend went as a hippie. He had a weed leaf necklace, but evidently it didn’t make him happy, so he ripped it off and started stomping on it in the middle of the street. He pointed at me and yelled, “STOMP ON IT OR I WILL F**K YOU.” My boyfriend was standing behind me like “excuse me, what was that?” … It was super awkward. Then later on that friend kept yelling, “F**K THE POLICE” every time a cop car drove by while we tried to find a party.
*Obviously, this cutie pie is exempt from that rudeness.*
Jesse’s Story: I went as Officer Dangle from Reno 911 last year. We were leaving a party and there were two dudes in a nasty fight and everyone saw I was a cop and kept screaming at me to do something! I actually did try to help but my friends dragged me away.
Maria’s Story: (Note: She’s a very small human to begin with.) I went trick-or-treating one year with my friends when I was thirteen and we went up to one house and the homeowner thought I was eight years old. I may or may not have teared up in indignation.
Johnathan’s Story: One year I went out dressed as a Stormtrooper. But, because it was raining, I slipped and fell in the mud and ruined the costume. To top it off, I got in a fight later that night with a Jedi.
*The preferred state of Stormtroopers everywhere.*
My Third Story: My senior year of high school, my boyfriend insisted on being a fairy for Halloween, complete with fishnet tights, heels, pushup bra, wings, and miniskirt. I was so embarrassed, but it got worse because at one point he got the wings stuck on a telephone pole and we couldn’t get him free for at least 10 minutes while people walked by and heckled us.
Tony’s Story: We went to a party last Halloween and a female friend invited three guys from Tinder, one of which she had never even met before. They show up in climate-inappropriate coats with huge backpacks and hats and they refuse to take anything off all night. They didn’t talk to anyone at the party and skulked around for a few hours after most people left. Then they just disappeared with the girl and I’ve never seen them again. (*The girl was fine – nothing happened to her.)
Ashley’s Story: I got all dressed up my junior year, totally ready to go out all night. My boyfriend called and asked me to hang out with him before I went out. I go over there to hang out and pre-game a little, but by 9 p.m., he’s throwing up. We never made it out and I had to spend the night taking care of him.
Elise’s Story: I never went out for Halloween because I was an RA, but one year, a kid came back to the dorms and broke a toilet. He didn’t plug it up, but physically broke it with the lid.
My Last Story: We went out last year and tried to help some guy who was wandering around by himself. He said his friends were at a party that was on our way, so we said we’d drop him off. After a minute or two of walking, he starts picking up speed. In the distance, there’s a girl sitting in the grass and we think, “Oh, that must be one of his friends.” The guy starts to run, like really run at her, and one of the boys yells, “Wow, excited to see her buddy?” He gets up to her and just punches her in the face without even breaking stride! Her head hits the ground and he takes off. The guys with me chased him, but he somehow was in one of our photos. The girl pressed charges and I had to give a witness statement.
Spooky right? Halloween brings out the best and worst parts of life. Best of luck to you this year, collegiettes! May your cauldron overflow with Halloween spirit and your candy bag be forever filled with your favorites.