I am a Senior. I’m going to have to get used to saying this. I am filled with excitement and estatic about the year to come. I live with my best friends who are now more like sisters to me than friends. I no longer feel the need to wear makeup everytime I leave the house. I feel no need to wait in line in sub-zero degrees weather to get into a house that probably ran our of beer hours ago. These are the benefits, yet the rights of passages that everyone goes through. They may be different for different people but it’s no question that between freshman and senior year, a TON of changes take place. I am feeling this weird urge to press pause on everything. This is our last year?! What? How did we get here?
(Right:Original Freshman Photo from Tower B dorm room. Roomates are going to kill me for this..)
I am lucky enough to have kept my core group of girlfriends for all four years. We look back together and talk about the thoughts, priorities, beliefs, and desires we had freshman year and crack up. However, it’s normal to laugh at your past self and the misconceptions you had. Only experience can really change you. With that said, if I could give my freshman self some advice being almost 4 years older then when I first arrived in Tower B Lobby, stuffed dog under right arm, this is what I would tell myself…
It is OK to be Alone.
I mean this in a million different ways. It is OK to be single. It is OK to sit by yourself in class. It is OK to eat by youself! For some reason, this was like death back then. I would literally not eat (and I love food) if I had to sit by myself because I thought people would be like “Wow, what a loser eating alone.” Truth was that my friends had classes when I had breaks. They were doing the same thing. It took months for any of us to finally get sick of being hungry enough to just suck it up and eat alone. This is so silly. Here is the truth… No one notices you THAT much.
The realization that no one really cares or notices you as much as you thought is really liberating and I am so there by Senior year. No one is going to notice that you picked a wedgie or remember tomorrow that you had little sweat stains the first day of class. It’s a weight off your chest when you do realize that you are not the center of the world. So, while your paranoid that every little thing you do is being watched and that people are forming opinions on you based upon your every move, people are thinking about themselves. They don’t care. It’s great!
(Right: Another orginal Freshman photo)
Its Ok to cry.. and everyone’s doing it.
It’s totally healthy. Go for it. Then pick yourself up and find happiness for yourself. No one else can make you happy. It’s entirely up to you and you should never allow any one person to entirely determine your mood, whether that be your mom, your roommate, your boyfriend, or your sorority sisters. Find true happiness in you, not just from other people approving of you. I think it was some time in November when we were all starting to really open up to each other. Someone admitted it. “I cried yesteday.” That was all it took. Our eyes lit up in delight and we looked around laughing, all admitting that not only had we cried yesterday, but had cried at least once a week since we got to school. We were rolling on the floor laughing at ourselves. “I thought I was the only one!” every single one of us said as we all admitted what we missed the most about home. After that, we all cried a little less often until none of cried anymore at all (except watching the Notebook, The Holiday, and Love Actually which was at least once a week). The truth is that everyone thinks that everyone else is having the best time of their lives and so everyone is scared to admit that they’re a little sad sometimes too, since it appears everyone else is living the dream. Have the time of your life and cry when you’re sad! That’s the basic survival guide.
You Are NOT the only one.
Whatever happens to you, HAS happened to someone else: You’re not alone. You will have this egotistical way of thinking, we all did, that no one else in the world could have ever or will ever feel what you are feeling. Whether it’s a bad breakup with the one you thought you would marry, the death of a loved one, health issues, problems with school,or friends someone else HAS been there. People HAVE made it through. It’s a dangerous way to think when you allow yourself to feel that you are the only one who has ever been where you are at. I urge you to believe that it WILL get better… because it really will. So, hang in there, and talk to someone if you start to feel like that. Chances are someone will be able to relate. And you could end up really helping someone else along the way who, (gasp) was thinking they were alone also. Â
You’ll find a mean bone. Embrace it.
Sometimes you have to be mean. You need to stand up for yourself. You cannot allow for people to walk all over you or take advantage of your darling little heart. Be mean if you need to. Not to friends, of course. But strangers or reoccurring problem people. Protect yourself because if you don’t, no one else will. One mean bone is a good thing for survival. Just one though!
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