Strapless bras. Intricate bralettes. Backless dresses. Button up shirts. If you consider any of these things as the enemy, I have news for you my friend: ya got big ‘ole boobs. We, as members of the Big Boob Brigade, know a thing or two about the luxuries our smaller-busted counterparts don’t even realize they have. How many times have you gone shopping, only to come out empty handed because nothing you found would work with your boobs? How many sports bras claiming to be up to the task have you had to discard? To my fellow busty women: you are not alone. And if you can relate to any of the following, chances are you’re a busty woman too. Welcome to the club.
1. The strapless bra
Unless it’s practically industrial, chances are you won’t be wearing your strapless bra as a bra, as it will insist on being a belt instead. This of course, will leave you with the fun weight-lifting task of pulling it back up over and over again, while simultaneously wrangling your lady lumps back into their respective places.
2. The shelf bra
The only thing worse than a strapless bra, is that convention that’d been around since the camisoles we wore in the fifth grade: the shelf bra. You mean to tell me this flimsy band and a thin layer of extra cotton is meant to function as a bra? I have no words for how that makes me feel. I do, however, have a gif:
3. Running up or down the stairs
You better hope you’re not carrying anything as you head up and down the stairs—you’re gonna need your hands to hold down your boobs and keep them from smacking you in the face. This is especially true if you’re going braless at the time. That’s X-games mode my friends.
4. The boob tuck maneuver
The boob tuck is a patented maneuver, usually performed 10-15 times a day, to keep the ladies in their assigned seats, and to keep you from looking like you have 3 or 4 boobs, rather than 2.
5. The button-up shirt disaster
It doesn’t matter if the shirt is a perfect fit everywhere else, your boobs will fight for their freedom, refusing the oppression of buttons and break free. If you plan on buying a button up shirt, you either need to prepare for it to be extra sexy, or buy one the next size (or even two sizes) up to prevent your boobs from making a surprise appearance.
6. Lying on your stomach
Lying on your stomach is basically a self-induced mammogram, so sleeping face down is almost always a no. The good news? You can still get that even tan at the beach, you just need to manipulate the sand a little bit.
7. Those permanent bra strap marks
Since you can never go braless, you pretty much have to wear a bra every day, leaving your shoulders to fall victim to those red strap marks and indents. You know, just in case you forgot where the strap goes, or how heavy your t*ts are. And don’t get me started on the general back and shoulder pain from holding those things up all day.
Any girl with big boobs knows there’s a certain length a necklace reaches when it will inevitably get tucked in between your cleavage, never to return. There is also a second, longer length, that will just cause the necklace to bounce and jangle with ever step you take because there is no way for it to lay flat.
9. Boob sweat.
It’s not just a summer phenomenon, and it’s not just under-boob sweat, it’s under, between, around. Boob sweat can happen at literally any time of day, any day of the year. It creeps in when you least expect it and lingers until your next shower. Paper towels in your bra are trending now right? No? No, yeah, okay…