I was both excited and nervous for the Vampire Diaries season premiere, which aired Thursday, October 8th. Nina Dobrev had announced earlier this year that she would not be returning for the show’s seventh season, even though she played the lead role. But, as they say, the show must go on. Even if the plotline is just a worse, recycled version of earlier seasons. These were my thoughts as I watched the ultimately disappointing episode:
1. Jo :(
2. Elena :( :(
3. Wait, how did they put Damon down? That didn’t work out so well last time…
4. Nina’s name is gone :( :( :(
5. They gave Sheriff Forbes a bench? A bench. Wow.
6. Steroline!
7. Who does a hit-and-run in Mystic Falls???
8. How is Ric even alive?
9. Damon just made three Bonnie death jokes in under a minute.
10. The heretics are basically a knock-off of the Original Family.
11. Why does Lily care so much about coexisting? Does she actually care about Mystic Falls?
12. If the heretics are really so strong, they could take control of the town easily.
13. If Valerie hates everyone, why doesn’t she just leave?
14. Even Damon didn’t take selfies with his victims. That’s just nasty.
15. I thought everyone knew Lily’s “family” was back?
16. Why is Ric suddenly being a jerk?
17. You know they’re going to find some way around Kai’s curse so that Bonnie can stay alive.
18. Why was Ric pretending to be drunk?
19. Oh, because he’s gone completely crazy.
20. What is that stone?
21. Enzo lost my interest two seasons ago.
22. Why does Ric have Lily’s stone? And how did he get it??
23. The heretics would have seen baby Stefan. He looks a little different now.
24. More Steroline!!
25. I don’t understand the heretics’ goals.
26. I’m going to assume they weren’t that easy to kill.
27. I literally care about none of these characters.
28. At least Amsterdam is beautiful.
29. Damon, you can’t kill Bonnie!
30. All I see is Not Elena, too.
31. Okay, sure the heretics are tough, but how could they have survived an explosion?
32. So the two girls are together? What is this storyline.
33. Their accents annoy me.
34. Seriously, though, how is Matt alive? This is so unrealistic.
35. We’ve already been down the Dysfunctional Family Highway. Get some new ideas.
36. I miss Elena.
37. How are they all dead and Matt is the only one alive?!
38. What are you doing, Stef?
39. Why are you making a deal with them?
40. It’s not your town anymore.
41. You gave them your house?
42. What kind of truce is this?!
43. Why don’t you just send Lily and the heretics away?
44. Why are you boarding up buildings?
45. I love you, Stefan, but you’re so stupid.
46. YES, DAMON’S BACK.
47. At least Bonnie has some sense.
46. Okay, it kind of is Bonnie’s fault… But Matt was being a jerk about it.
47. Why is the town a mess? Did the heretics throw a party and not clean up after themselves??
48. Elena’s not going to graduate with her friends.
49. Bamon friendship!
50. Okay, so Bonnie can overpower the heretics.
51. Or not.
52. YES! One down, four to go…
53. STEROLINE.
54. Why are you boarding up the front door? I mean, I guess you shouldn’t trust the heretics, but still. That’s not going to stop them.
55. Ric, you need some serious help.
56. Beau is a survivor – of what?
57. How did they all even come together in the first place? Lily doesn’t have magic. Why do they listen to her??
58. What made Damon want to be put down?
59. Who’s back?
60. Is that the same scar Beau had?
61. Who is “she”? Buffy?!
62. What is going on???