After four and a half years, I finally graduated from the University of Pittsburgh last semester. (That “finally” is not a “YAY, I can’t wait to leave” but a “I DID NOT follow the plan I made for myself freshman year.”) I was here before Nordenberg Hall was built, during the 160+ bomb threats (#PittIsTheBomb; #TBT to my tweets during the 4 AM Towers evacuation), when everyone fangirled over Steven Adams, before soft-serve was an option at Market (the dessert station was tucked behind the sandwich station), and before the Panther Pitt was a thing.
Over the years, I have accumulated a list of things I don’t understand about Pitt. They may have answers and they may not, but I’ve either never figured it out or I was too lazy to search for an answer.
1. Why do we sing “Sweet Caroline” at football games?
2. Why is my tuition going to athletics and free t-shirts?
3. How did the tradition of getting your horns from Peter’s Pub on your 21st birthday start?
4. Why does Market food suck?
5. Why does “Market Shits” exist?
6. Why haven’t they done anything to fix the food in Market?
7. Why is Market so expensive?
8. Why do bicyclists believe they are above traffic laws?
9. Why aren’t there more outlets around campus?
10. Why is it so hard to walk up to the third floor of the Cathedral?
11. Why aren’t there any good grocery stores in Oakland?
12. Why do we pretend our sports are good?
13. Why is a celebrity being on campus not a good enough excuse of missing class?
14. Why can’t the Oakland Zoo be in the camera angle when Pitt Basketball is on TV?
15. How can South Oakland stay so gross?
16. Is the room selection lottery really random?
17. Can Cathy please be lit up every night?
18. Why does the dance team flip their hair so much during their routines at football games?
19. Why do they say the career fairs are for people of all majors when the companies there are only interested in engineering and business students?
20. Why did they remove the Simba graffiti? It was internet famous.
21. Why are freshmen required to beat world records during orientation week? (There’s an answer, but still…)
22. Why is Roc called Roc?
23. Does anyone actually step on the home plate of Forbes Field in Posvar Hall for good luck?
24. Does anyone know that Pitt is slang for penis in Swedish? (Now you do. You’re welcome.)
25. Why is Cathy prettier than me?
I will miss Pittsburgh. The school, the city, and the people have helped me grow so much and I will be forever thankful for the opportunity to be a Pitt student. Hail to Pitt!
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