Welcome to the final phase of COVID-19, my friends. (At least we hope it’s the final phase… it is. It has to be. I’m manifesting it.) Ever since student employees in LA County got the green light to get vaccinated, my Instagram feed has been dominated by my friends and acquaintances getting jabbed. The arduous process of booking a vaccine appointment has become a shared frustration, and previously peripheral names like Pfizer, Moderna and Johnson & Johnson have become household terms to the general public.
As information about the vaccine becomes more and more widespread, so have memes about which vaccine is better. Are you team Pfizer or team Moderna? Or are you really an alt girl out to get the Johnson & Johnson vaccine?
All this memery had me thinking: what are the best analogies I could think of to sum up my thoughts on the three vaccine types? Here are the best ones I could think of:
- Cola brands
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Moderna is Coke. Pfizer is Pepsi. Johnson & Johnson is Dr. Pepper. Don’t ask me why it makes sense — it just does. (Thanks to this tweet for inspo.)
- Pop stars when I was in middle school
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Katy Perry is Moderna. T Swizzle is Pfizer. Johnson & Johnson is giving off strong 2013 Miley vibes.
- Stores
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Moderna is definitely Walmart. Pfizer is Target. Johnson & Johnson… Costco. Sorry Costco, I don’t make the rules. Wait, actually, I do. But I don’t know what they are, so don’t question me.
- Dystopian young adult book franchises
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Moderna is Divergent, Pfizer is Hunger Games and Johnson & Johnson is Maze Runner.
- Fast food chains
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Moderna is McDonald’s. Pfizer is In-N-Out. Johnson & Johnson is Carl’s Jr. (Sorry, Baconator.)
- Pepperdine upperclassman housing
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Moderna is Drescher, Pfizer is George Page, and Johnson & Johnson is — you guessed it — Lovernich. Yes, I said it.
- Chrises
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Chris Evans is Moderna. Chris Hemsworth is Pfizer. Chris Pratt is Johnson & Johnson.
I hope you enjoyed this little dip into my mind, my friends. Until next time.