Directioners, brace yourself. Louis Tomlinson’s recent appearance on The Diary of a CEO is one of his most emotional and revealing interviews yet. The former One Direction singer sat down with host Steven Bartlett for an honest, two-hour conversation about grief, fame, and the lessons he’s learned since the band’s split.
For those unfamiliar, The Diary of a CEO is a hit podcast hosted by Bartlett, known for its deep, reflective interviews with public figures across entertainment, business, and culture. Bartlett’s approach allows guests to speak freely and vulnerably, and in this episode, Tomlinson revealed sides of himself that most fans rarely see. If you haven’t watched the full episode yet, or if it just feels too emotional to get through, here’s a look at the biggest revelations from Tomlinson’s interview – told through the eyes of a Directioner.
Louis Tomlinson on The Toll of Fame
From the very start of the interview, Tomlinson spoke with honesty about how fame shaped, and sometimes distorted, his sense of self. Being a part of one of the biggest boy bands in the world meant living inside a whirlwind that rarely, if ever, stopped. Everything moved so fast that he barely had time to process the moments as they happened. He shared that he sometimes felt disconnected from home, and during the peak of One Direction’s success, he spent so much time away that he wasn’t confident he could tell his twin sisters apart anymore. That confession says more about fame than any headline ever could, showing how it pulled him away from the simple, grounding part of life. Tomlinson described how easy it was to lose touch with reality when every day was planned, filmed, and shared. He talked about feeling isolated even while surrounded by people because fame doesn’t always allow space for authenticity or vulnerability. But over time, he’s learned to separate who he is as a person from who the world expects him to be. “You have to learn who you are again,” he said, and that idea seemed to capture his entire post-One Direction journey.
Still, Tomlinson didn’t speak with resentment. Instead, he recognizes that it gave him the perspective to value the quiet moments, friendships, and memories that aren’t posted online. The way he speaks about fame now feels calm and wise; it seems like he finally learned to navigate the spotlight that once overwhelmed him.
This honesty sets the tone for the rest of the conversation, where Tomlinson opens up about grief, love, and what it truly means to move forward.
Louis Tomlinson on Losing Loved Ones
Tomlinson reflected on some of the hardest moments of his life, including losing his mother, Johannah Deakin, to Leukemia in 2016. Tomlinson’s bond with his mother was incredibly strong, describing her as one of his “best mates.” For a while it was just the two of them before his other siblings came along, which made their connection even stronger. Her passing left a lasting impact on him, and he admitted that performing just days after her passing was one of the toughest things he’s ever done. He also opened up about the pain of losing his younger sister, Félicité, just a few years later. After his mom passed, he said he “naively” thought he might be better prepared to handle future loss but soon realized that nothing could prepare him for that kind of heartbreak.
Louis Tomlinson on Liam Payne
When the conversation turned to Liam Payne, the tone of the interview shifted noticeably; it was clear how deeply this loss affected him. Tomlinson recalled the moment he learned the tragic news from a friend and former bandmate, Niall Horan. “I think Niall said something like, ‘Have you seen the news?’ and I knew as soon as he said that,” Tomlinson said. Talking about it, he admitted that even though he tried to support Payne when he was struggling, he later realized how little control he actually had over someone else’s pain. He spoke about Payne’s passing as something that still doesn’t feel real. As someone who has dealt with loss in his life, he thought he might somehow be “prepared” for the grief he was feeling, but realized this was different. “I’ve never lost a friend before,” he said, his words lingering with heartbreak.
It’s clear that Payne’s death left a deep mark on him, not just as a former bandmate, but as someone who genuinely loved and cared for his friend. Tomlinson spoke with empathy and gratitude, remembering the person he’d spent years touring the world with, writing songs with, and growing up alongside. Tomlinson talked about how much Payne believed in One Direction and how passionate he was about keeping the group together. He even said that if anyone would’ve fought the hardest for a reunion, it would’ve been Payne – a comment that now feels even more emotional given everything that has happened.
Louis Tomlinson on Zayn Malik and the Band’s Breakup
When Tomlinson spoke about Zayn Malik’s departure from One Direction, you could still hear a mix of sadness in his voice. Tomlinson described feeling both hurt and confused, not only about losing a bandmate but also a close friend. “I was absolutely crushed,” he said. “It felt like I’d lost a friend and someone in the band at the same time,” Tomlinson admitted. At the time, it was difficult to separate his personal feelings from the professional impact, recalling the day Malik left as heavy and emotional. Even now, years later, he says it remains an “elephant in the room” between them, something they haven’t fully talked about but might and hope to one day. Despite that, he spoke about Malik with nothing but love and respect, applauding his success but also wondering aloud whether Malik ever regretted his decision.
Tomlinson and Malik have since reconnected, announcing a three-part Netflix series where they embark on a road trip across America, opening up about their lives and experiences.
Reflecting on the band’s breakup, Tomlinson described it as one of the hardest and most surreal moments of his life. He remembered the room feeling “empty” during the meeting when they decided to go on hiatus. He stated that everyone was thinking independently, prioritizing personal choices, which made the atmosphere feel very cold and distant. Tomlinson admitted that at the time, he still hoped the hiatus was temporary. “I wanted some kind of indication like, how long is this going to be?” he said. “But I never really got an answer.” Looking back, he realizes that some people in the room probably already knew the truth – that One Direction would never return in the same way again.
He also spoke about the emotional whiplash that came with the end of the band. For years, One Direction had defined his identity, purpose, and community and suddenly, he had to learn who he was without it. “You spend so much time being part of something bigger than yourself, and then one day, it’s gone,” he said. Still, Tomlinson made it clear that while the breakup was painful, it also gave him room to grow as an individual artist and reconnect with himself outside the spotlight.
Louis Tomlinson on a One Direction Reunion
While speaking about the difficult reality of the band’s breakup, he also touched on the possibility that One Direction might never reunite. While he tried to keep an open mind, he said, “Never say never,” pausing before admitting that he couldn’t imagine it happening anytime soon. He explained that after everything that’s happened – losing Payne, growing apart, and finding their own lives – the idea of coming back together doesn’t feel that simple anymore. While a reunion would mean a lot to fans, and this wasn’t the answer we all hoped for, it would have to feel right for everyone involved. Tomlinson reflected that even if the band never returns, he’s proud of what they accomplished and the memories they created together.
As a Directioner, listening to this made me realize for the first time the personal struggles and sacrifices the members went through, and it completely changed how I view that era of my life and their music. It’s one thing to remember the hits and the excitement, but hearing Tomlinson talk about the emotional toll gave those years an entirely new perspective.
While it might not be the closure fans had always hoped for, Tomlinson’s interview on The Diary of a CEO feels like the closure we needed. For years, One Direction’s story has existed in headlines, memories, and what-ifs, but hearing Tomlinson speak so openly brought a sense of understanding that had been missing. They were just teenagers when their lives changed overnight, suddenly carrying the weight of global fame and insane expectations. Their chaos and brotherhood defined a whole generation, but so did the pressure and moments of silence that followed it all. Listening to him talk about grief and friendship from his perspective, it’s clear how deeply human his journey was. And maybe, one day, when the time feels right, that chapter could open again. For now, it’s enough to know that the door was never truly closed because as Louis himself said, “never say never.”