Forever 21 Eulogy

“I am here before you today saying the words I have never wanted to say, giving the speech I have never wanted to give, feeling the loss I have never wanted to feel” (Meghan McCain).   Forever 21 is closing.    Here lay the unfortunate remains of bedazzled rompers missing rhinestones and pleather bags without a home. All sitting inside the barren walls of what once was a thriving community where part-time associates and middle schoolers on a parent-controlled budget could come and mingle over the glories of cheap fashion. No more will the canary yellow shopping bags dangle from our wrists as our wallets, full of cash, smile for having been spared by the mercy of the two for one prices. We may grieve over this treacherous loss, but no one will feel the pang more than our bank accounts who above all appreciated the value of Forever 21 bargains. Let us all join in a moment of silence in memory of those Forever 21 specialties that we’ll miss the most…    

  1. 1. Graphic Socks

    Dinosaurs in tacos? Pig mermaids? Pandas munching on popcorn? Dogs cooking eggs? You bet! Forever 21 had all of these adorable graphic socks and so many more. No other place will ever be able to deliver such unique selections for the low price of $1.90! 

  2. 2. Conversation Starter Bags

    Now I’m not just talking about those homeless pleather bags mentioned earlier. The graphic totes were sure to get a laugh from passersby as many of them depicted plays on words and food humor. Some of my favorites were a pug pictured in a mug exclaiming, “Pug-kin spice” and sushi revealing its secret passion for its soy sauce bestie spilling that, “He’s soy into him”. Though some all-time classics have gotta be the holiday graphic bags with sleepy turkeys and 3D trees galore. 

  3. 3. Get-Your-Crush’s-Attention-Summer-Dresses 

    Tight, short, low cut, but covered enough for temptation! These seasonal heartthrobs broke a lot of hearts. Wash them and they’re gone for good, but at least they committed to a full summer romance. 

  4. 4. Spunky Jewelry

    “Cheap jewelry that will definitely turn your skin green” is what college-junior kelly has to say about Forever 21 jewels. Packs of studs for $7.50 will no longer have a place on our Christmas lists, eh, but maybe it’s for the better-seeing what Kelly claimed. 

  5. 5. Sparkly, Sparkled, Glitter…?

    Oh, come on! Don’t tell me you didn’t try on one of those scratchy pieces from the New Year’s collection! Maybe it wasn’t your outfit of choice, but in your wildest dreams, you dared to be that star glazing brighter than the sun! From rompers to pants, and to cocktail dresses sequins and rhinestones viciously scratched some part of your body during the party! 

  6. 6. Holiday Collections 

    Tis’ the season to be shopping fa la la la la Forever 211111. That big discount table full of ornaments, twinkle lights, graphic trees I mean tees, oversized snowman/snowwoman slippers, llama wrapping paper, FUZZY CANDY CANE SOCKS, and ahem all the rest. Head to your nearest store fast and you might still be able to score a discount ugly sweater like me or should I say wearable, bright green, tinseled, light up extravaganza! 

  7. 7. Provocative Attire

    Plenty of clubbing outfits… or what I thought were clubbing outfits. Maybe bathing suits? Anyway, the spandex, fishnet, see-through fabrics of these questionable garments will forever remain a mystery to me as I wonder if what I tried on as a top was actually a detachable sleeve. 

  8. 9. Active Wear/Lounge Clothes

    RIP to affordable activewear. Tears cascade down the mountain of my face as I peer down at the price tag on Lululemon leggings. Maybe I’ll just work out in jeans and lounge in a bathing suit? Make do with what I have in order to avoid cheating on the dearly departed with another brand.   

We bid a final farewell to the retail chain that filled our middle school dreams and high school closets. Perhaps with its past scandals over sweatshop workers and diet bars its demise is for the best. Though let’s take this time to focus on all the happiness it gave us and everything that will be missed. Goodbye, Forever 21.

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