Being Individuals in a Relationship

Relationships. Enthralling, difficult, pleasurable, and compromising. It is a conscious effort to love another human being, to be willing to accept a person because they are flawed, not in spite of them. It’s two people that come together to love each other and share a part of themselves, being vulnerable and scared of the newness. Every relationship, every couple inevitably faces the need to compromise with arguments, fights, and disagreements. However, a person should never have to compromise who they are, their interests, and values in a relationship to “make it work”. Sharing interests with each other is what makes the relationship exciting. Doing something one partner enjoys can help you learn to love it, you can learn to love their interest by seeing the way they love it and if you don’t, at least it was time spent together.

Love is addictive, infatuation is addictive. When starting a relationship, two people can’t get enough of each other, all you want to do is be around each other every minute of every day. A person becomes dependent on the other. To some degree dependency is healthy in a relationship. You want to be able to enjoy and love being around your partner, love learning little things about them and discovering their quirks that make them who they are. They will be there for you and are supportive of you. However, the problem arises when the two cannot function without being with each other, needing to be constantly texting or talking, and inviting them everywhere you go. Be able to maintain a balance of communication, don’t go days without talking to each other, and don’t be in constant contact with each other that makes you miss out on living your life. Don’t be overwhelmed by your partner’s needs, you do not have to respond to your partner right away or Facetime every night. It’s okay to be busy, it’s okay to take time to yourself, it’s your right to be able to live your life. Set boundaries to keep your sense of personal identity. Love each other together and love each other apart.

“You need to love yourself before anyone else can love you” – but you don’t have to. You can learn to love yourself in relationships while not being dependent on your partners opinions and validation. Being loved by another person can give you the courage and strength to see the beauty within yourself. Focus on the little things you do for yourself that make you feel better, that reminds you are alive and it’s beautiful. Love when you blast music around your room, when you stay in your pajamas, on Saturdays watching scary movies, or the way your skincare routine makes you feel refreshed. Love is in the simple things and in the simple times.