New York, New York, New York! Oh, the lights, the fashion, the food! Seems that Manhattan is the universal dream location on every young person’s mind. They think they’ll come to Manhattan and watch as their dreams unfold before their very eyes. In some cases, this happens- in fact, in most, I hope it does! However, us city slickers have gotta conquer a lot of daily obstacles while on the pathway to our dreams. Here are some not so fun parts of living in Manhattan:
- Longgg Elevator Waits
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Being that most Manhattan residents live in high rises, we’ve become accustomed to the dependence on the elevator. The higher in the sky you go, the longer the wait coming down! I recently ran down 26 flights of stairs in 3 minutes to get to class on time because the elevator decided it didn’t want to help me out that day.
- Slow-poke Sidewalk Walkers
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There are some days it takes all that I have not to yell at the feet draggers who’ve got their eyes on their phones instead of the sights. Seriously, some people walk as if they are strolling through a meadow- actually no, cut that- strolling is too generous, I mean crawling through a meadow. There is such a thing as walking more than 12 feet per hour. Brooklyn Bridge tourists are the worst perpetrators of this crime. It’s all “stop and take my picture here, walk a foot, stop and take my picture here, walk a foot, stop and take my picture here, walk another foot, ooo the view is better from this angle- take my picture here.” Ahhhhhh!
- Heavy Doors
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Somehow I missed the memo on hidden door agendas in Manhattan because someone must have decided that New Yorkers aren’t getting enough bicep curls so they thought, “Hey, why not build a work out into a necessary, everyday activity like…opening doors!” Doors are becoming increasingly heavy and difficult to open. Perhaps this is a ploy to keep the pigeons out but still, come on, have some sympathy for those of us with noodle arms.
- Human Street Advertisements
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I learned the hard way that those monks who try and push bracelets on your wrists aren’t doing it out of faith. Whether you’re trying to avoid one of those or the many others that inquire about your taste in comedy, street advertisers are annoying as heck. Stop trying to hand me flyers for foot massages in Brooklyn basements! It’s not gonna happen!
- Sardine Subways
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“I’ve been waiting longer than you buddy!” will become the slogan of your life while trying to catch an early morning subway ride. The Jersey/Long Island/wherever commuters lay claim to those subway car seats faster than a horse at Belmont. Be prepared to unlovingly be smushed against a stranger while trying to keep balance on a shaky roller coaster trip downtown.
- Manhattan Vs NYC
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This is my biggest pet peeve of living in Manhattan. Pretty much everyone you encounter in life will refer to Manhattan as the whole of NYC, however, they couldn’t be more incorrect. NYC is actually a term used to describe the entirety of the five boroughs (The Bronx, Brooklyn, Manhattan, Queens, and Staten Island). So you could be in the middle of the Bronx and yell “I’m in fabulous NYC!” Would you be right? Yes. Would people think you were crazy? Probably.
- Garbage, Noise, and the Noise of Garbage
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Sometimes the sounds of life in the big city are nice, but not when you’re trying to sleep at 6 AM. Avoiding garbage along city sidewalks is eerily similar to avoiding land mines. The sidewalks are disgusting and sometimes revolting to look at. Littered with everything from garbage, human waste, unidentifiable substances, and even fall favorites like smashed pumpkin.
- Street Creepers
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There’s always going to be creepy people who try to talk to you on the street. It’s scary sometimes, especially if you’re alone. Recently I had a man repeatedly inquire about where my parents were rather aggressively in broad daylight. After a short while, it became apparent that he was harassing me, but no one did anything. I ignored his behavior and walked away, but he followed me back to my dorm building and waited outside for a long time afterward. It was extremely upsetting.
- Pigeons Who Have no Sense of Direction
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Narrowly missing a mouthful of feathers?! Phew! Not your fault. The pigeons have no sense of personal space. Their internal GPSes must also be broken because occasionally I see one end up inside Penn Station. Unless he intended that! Of course, can’t miss his 4:15 to Massapequa!
- Nosy Neighbors
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Living in neighboring high rises makes for a whole new kind of neighbor and lots more of them! Basically Alfred Hitchcock’s Rear Window becomes your reality. With blinds wide open you can see every move of your neighbors, and they can see every move of yours! This could make for some super comical stories, but forget to close the blinds at the right moment and it could make for some embarrassing ones too. My view these days consists of not enough East River and too much naked toddler!
- Expensive Movies
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Time to break out the savings account for the latest IT showing! Don’t expect to see a movie in Manhattan for less than $20. Might as well wait until it is on Amazon Video so you can watch in the comfort of your own home at $4. Hey, come to think of it, everything is pretty expensive in Manhattan!
Living in Manhattan has its ups and downs. If you’re moving here from a rural or suburban setting expect some culture shock. Though in the end the beauty, culture, and opportunities of city life far outweigh the negatives.