Codependency is characterized by a person belonging to a maladjusted, one-sided relationship where one person depends on the other for attending to their emotional and self-esteem needs. It can also represent a relationship that allows another person to maintain their reckless, addictive, or underachieving behavior. In this case, we’re going to talk about the one-sided codependency. Relationships can be very tricky and sometimes hard to navigate. We’ve all been incredibly infatuated with someone to point where we’ve created this version of them in our head. You’ll catch yourself thinking about them all the time, waiting for their response to your messages, you might even get sad if they’ve seen your messages but haven’t responded. Are they ignoring you? Are they done with you and found someone better?
Stop. Why do you care so much? Yeah, I know you like this person and don’t want anything to be ruined, but are you ruining everything by overthinking and doing things out of fear that they’ll leave you? It’s nice to be with someone who you connect with and can see yourself with, but relying on them for validation will make you soon feel the cost of any codependent patterns you’re stuck in. You can’t continue to project your needs onto someone else. Whether they’re a romantic partner or not. You might be looking for a partner who accepts and understands you perfectly, who prioritizes you and makes you number one, but this isn’t the way to go. Instead of looking outside for happiness, you should create a sense of satisfaction and wholeness by being your own best partner by living and committing to yourself first. By doing that, you won’t have to project your needs onto someone else and end up disappointed when they can’t fulfill them. Don’t search for a part of yourself in someone else. If you have a hard time doing so, here are some things to remember as you’re slowly becoming your own best partner so you can enter a relationship from a place of strength instead of dependancy.
Recognize Your Codependency
One key sign of codependency is when your sense of purpose in life revolves around making extream sacrifices to satisfying your partner’s needs. There’s a degree of unhealthy clinginess, where one person doesn’t have self-sufficiency or independence. One or both sides depend on their partner for fulfillment. Ask yourself these questions: Are you incapable of finding satisfaction in your life outside of a specific person? Do you notice harmful habits in your partner but stay with them in spite of these habits? Are you giving support to your partner at the cost of your own mental and emotional? Are you always putting your partner first? Do you do things for them that usually make you feel uncomfortable? If you catch yourself saying yes to any of these questions, then you, my dear, have just recognized your co-dependency which means it’s time to get yourself out of this unhealthy pattern.
Remember That a Relationship isn’t Key
When you are in a codependent relationship, it might be hard to separate yourself from a partner. You feel like your only goal is to maintain a relationship, even if it is with someone incapable of making you happy. Because you believe that being with someone is the only thing that can fulfill you, you start emptying all of your love and support into a partnership that is imbalanced and not that healthy for you. Leaning on a relationship as the main source of your confidence and self-esteem puts too much stress and pressure on your partner. It can even lead you to view yourself as needy or clingy. A relationship is just one small part of the many things that can bring you a sense of comfort and happiness. You should start viewing your friends, passions, and your ambitions as equally deserving of your time as dating. When you do meet someone, judge them carefully. Do you see yourself with this person? Or are you using them to fill an emotional void? Being honest with yourself will help you go far.
Recognize Your Self Worth
People who love and respect themselves have boundaries and standards for the type of people they’ll stay in relationships with. They won’t desire affection from just anyone. They’re capable of leaving a partner who isn’t fit for them making it hard to fall in codependency.
Some people struggle with their sense of self in a way that forces them to rely on others for help maintaining their life. Dependence goes exceeds the desire to be with someone. It’s also to do with believing that the other person is indispensable and irreplaceable and that they are connected to our well-being. Their presence in our lives becomes a fundamental requirement for us to be able to feel stable. Emotional dependence usually goes hand in hand with jealous behavior. By the use of manipulation or possession of our partner, we exhaust the other person. That person normally ends the relationship, and the outcome is that the absurd notion of dependency comes true. In other words; without you I am nothing. When we begin to recognize this pattern in our relationships it’s important to find ways to recognize your self worth so you won’t have to rely on other people for validation and acceptance.