A Letter to My Boyfriend's Ex

You fell in love and it was a good run. It certainly wasn’t perfect, there were ups and downs, but you were confident that your love could withstand everything. Even the breakup.

Then I came along.

Let me emphasize the fact that the two of you were already broken up by the time I came into the picture. I didn’t steal anyone’s man. He was free to flirt, and content to move on. To be perfectly blunt, he was done with you.

I can understand how devastating this must’ve been for you. At this point in my own relationship with him, I can’t fathom ever losing him. I would be heartbroken if he wanted to leave me too. He easily wormed his way into my heart in a very short period of time, as I’m sure was the case for you.

It must’ve been so easy to turn your heartbreak into anger and to then direct that anger at me. After all, I’m the girl that the love of your life decided to move on with. I wasn’t the reason he decided to end things with you, but it must have been so easy to let that idea slip into your mind.  You wanted to place the blame for your failed relationship on me because that was less painful than coming to terms with reality.

Society trains us to follow this awful mentality that we need to automatically despise our ex’s new girlfriend. A lot of girls like to think “well, she isn’t me, so she’s trash.” In the same vein, it’s also assumed that girls should naturally hate their boyfriend’s exes.

I never hated you.

I had no genuine reason to dislike you. I refused to conform to the idea that I should dislike you simply because my boyfriend was once in love with you. Honestly, that’s just ridiculous. I didn’t know you, and you hadn’t done anything to me… yet.

You put on a good face. The few times we had to interact, you were always nice. Or at least you pretended to be. I always felt so nervous around you, constantly fearing the worst, but it never came. Not to my face, anyway. I wish you’d have just flat out ignored my presence. If you had, I would’ve had a better and more honest understanding of how you truly felt about me.

You had me fooled into thinking you weren’t an ex-girlfriend I would have to worry about. I thought you were friendly and hoped that you’d made your peace with the breakup and moved on.

While I went about my day in ignorant bliss, you were calling me names and having people believe I was the kind of person I’m not. Were you trying to sully my reputation? Or was spewing venom just a way for you to cope with your loss and make yourself feel better?

You didn’t know anything about me. We were complete strangers and that hasn’t changed. Your words hold no weight, and they definitely didn’t weaken his feelings for me. Do you still “feel better”?

I’m not sorry that the two of you broke up, and I’m not sorry that he fell in love with me. However, I am sorry that you’ve struggled to move on, and that you’ve resorted to being petty and mean in order to get by.

I still don’t hate you, despite the ugly things you’ve said. In all honesty, I wish you the best.

I hope that one day you’ll be able to leave him in the past and find the person you’re truly meant to be with. Before you can get there though, you’re going to need to mature and adjust your attitude.

Maybe one day you’ll stop hating me. And if you don’t, that’s okay because I’m going to try moving on too. I’m not going to dwell on you and what you said behind my back. It doesn’t really matter anyway. I’m happy, in love, and I know that what you believe isn’t true.