For many college students, the upcoming Thanksgiving break and holiday season are a time for rest and a time to spend with loved ones. However, going back home makes every week as stressful as finals week for some people. To mitigate the worries of the holiday season, here are some ways you can combat the stress during this time of the year.
The first step is to identify what the cause of your stress is. You might be worried to go home for a number of reasons. You may share different political views from your family, which would especially be exacerbated in an election year. You may feel that you don’t “fit in” with them because of a difference in religious views. Maybe they don’t agree with your chosen major or academic path, your sexuality, or gender. Maybe you just don’t get along with them as a whole. Or maybe your family has recently suffered a loss and coping with the loss of the loved one is magnified during this holiday season. You could be overwhelmed by tasks like cooking and shopping. Try to identify what these stressors may be so you can prepare yourself for them.
If you have different views and values from your family, it can be exhausting to deal with during the holidays. Try to steer conversations into directions where everyone can come to an agreement or pick a neutral topic. Focus on stories of fun memories – as ways to remember what you love about your relatives and to engage in a positive way. If you can’t move conversations to lighter topics, just try to be respectful and listen to your loved ones even if you don’t agree with what they’re saying. Remember to breathe and stay as calm as you can, even if the opinions of your relatives may upset you.
When your family is dealing with a loss, allow yourself to feel the emotions that come with grief. Society tells people they have to be extremely happy during the holidays. You may feel you’re just not up for it this year and it’s important to know that that is okay. Feelings of sadness, anger and stress are all valid emotions. Don’t be afraid to talk about these emotions if you feel comfortable. You’re probably not the only one feeling them. Allow this time with family to be an opportunity to remember and cherish the time you had with the lost loved one, rather than make the empty chair an elephant in the room.
The excitement of the holiday season can also result in a sense of feeling overwhelmed by all the duties of the event. Be it cooking for Thanksgiving, or shopping for gifts, it can feel like a thousand tasks need to be accomplished with no time to achieve them. Try to break down these tasks into smaller goals so you can feel more accomplished by what you do achieve, rather than despondent over what’s left to complete. For example, if you have to bake and decorate cookies for Christmas or Hanukkah, take things step by step. Allow yourself to be proud for making dough from scratch, even if some of the shapes didn’t come out perfectly or a couple cookies burned. Even if you have to break it down small enough to reach the goal of measuring out the flour correctly, it’s better to recognize your contributions to the holiday experience rather than focus on what went wrong. Remember that the holidays are a time to relax, so if you have to step out or take a break from the festivities and the planning, don’t be afraid to take time for yourself.
If you’re feeling especially overwhelmed by either your family or the holidays in general, there are always other options to give yourself an environment to enjoy the season. If you can, either bring a trusted friend with you to your family gatherings as support, or maybe join your friend in their family’s traditions for the year. Another option would be to take this time to give back to the community and volunteer. Many charity organizations gain an uptick in activity around the holidays, giving you plenty of opportunities to escape a toxic home environment and help others – remaining open even on the actual holidays!
No matter how you tackle the upcoming holidays, always remain hopeful and enjoy what you can!