I don’t mean to project,
But lately I’ve been at
Such a disconnect. Even
Though, I know the best
Moments of the year aren’t
Even happening yet. But I’m
So busy trying to live with no
Regrets, I seem to have forgotten
Nothing will ever be like this again.
I put so much pressure on myself
Time and time again, just to wind up
Feeling so burnt out. Constantly waiting
For the exit outside of this consistent
Round about I seem to be driving myself
Crazy going around and around again.
Just trying to convince myself that I fit
In with everyone else who seems so perfect
On the surface, but I still can’t seem to
Start to flourish. I’m just so nervous, that
Everything will turn out the way I see it
In my nightmares. I wish that when I looked
In the mirror I saw someone who I recognized
But it’s always a surprise to see who’s looking
Back at me. Because this girl doesn’t seem to
Be the person everyone describes her to be.
The misprint of a book cover, a scrap to throw
In the recycling bin. Because, this person looking
Back at me might not ever feel connected, and
The light inside of her just may never be resurrected
ever again. I can’t get this feeling of being
In the room, but like I’m watching things from the ceiling out of my head.
I’m stuck trying to mend, the shattered reality that I’m
Living in. But time and time again, I Imagine myself being
happy when the disconnect
Is over. Even though, it’s the chapter
That hasn’t been written, there’s no current prologue to the
Epilogue inside of my dreams. But for some
Reason, I don’t think future me is as sad
As me. I think she is happy with others and alone.
I imagine, the smile she beams when she’s around
Her favorite people doesn’t fade behind the scenes,
Like it currently does with me.