Confidence is “a feeling of self-assurance arising from one’s appreciation of one’s own abilities or qualities.” It is a sensation that comes from within the individual. It may not be bought, given, or earned. No, confidence must be built, and there are no instructions.
I’m no expert on building confidence, but if you would like to learn, go on and read one of those books that supposedly teaches you how. I can’t imagine such a book will be very effective, but give it a try! If you don’t have money to spend on a book, maybe Instagram can give you a little ego booster- ahem- I mean “confidence” booster. As they say, “If you can’t see anything special inside yourself, get other people to call you special. Then all your problems will go away and you will never have to waste another minute on pitiful self-reflection.” They do say that, right?
Of course not! Other people have very little impact on how you feel about yourself. Again, true confidence comes from within. Somehow, modern guys and gals believe it is something they can obtain, rather than create. In this respect, they are chasing a high that can only temporarily distract them from “pitiful self-reflection.” No matter how much “modern confidence” they smoke, it will never permanently replace their insecurities. No time is spent actually trying to reason with these insecurities. This is where the problem lies.
There is no denying that confidence is a good feeling. Much like other things that make people feel good, however, it can be abused. We can all agree that this type of abuse usually means that a person is attempting to cope with severe distress. But do not be fooled. This is no run-of-the-mill cigarette addiction. A craving smoker can easily get their hands on exactly what they need. There is no substitute for tobacco. In our case, not to sound extreme, but modern confidence is like heroin addiction. When the painkillers are too hard to get, addicts resort to the cheap stuff. Social media likes are an example of a cheap confidence high.
Now, I won’t go on a cliché rant explaining how social media is a drug infesting the youth. I think we have heard that story more than enough times, but it does need to be mentioned. I have personally fallen into spells where I spend my time comparing myself to others online. I’ll occasionally finish scrolling through my Instagram feeling boring and inadequate. Most days I lie to myself and others showing how gorgeous, intelligent, or fantastic I believe I am. Rest assured, I am not so self-assured. Luckily, I can fix myself.
Like any twelve-step program, I have first admitted that I have a problem. I am unable to face my own insecurities because I am busy looking for a way to hide them. By doing this, I only make them more obvious. I need to accept that confidence does not define a strong person, but humility, fear, and vulnerability do. I am addicted to people telling me I am good enough, and I am simultaneously addicted to the idea that people don’t think I am good enough. I am going to start practicing cheerful self-reflection, and instead of considering myself “inadequate” I will consider myself a “work in progress.” It’s about time that I stop trying to a be a person others can admire, and become a person that I would admire.