I have always been well aware of benevolent sexism, but I have never felt a need to be truly conscious of it until my early 20s as a college student. What exactly is benevolent sexism? Well, it is not exactly hostile sexism, but it is certainly just as harmful. Benevolent sexism is, in a nutshell, when girls are told they are really good at something or are told that they can go first for anything (and much more). This sexism promotes certain gender rules and roles, along with the idea that women need to be protected by men, and does it all with smiles. Benevolent sexism is not as overt and comes in the form of smiles, compliments, and friendliness. And I mean, what girl doesn’t love compliments? However, these compliment are not always appreciated when they also come with those sneaky stereotypes in the mix. While this kind of sexism may appear to be positive, it can ultimately be detrimental to both genders and the gender equality movement.
So, what are some specific examples of benevolent sexism we should beware of? Here are just a few.
1) The “Ladies First” Rule
This rule is perhaps the most debatable, but it ultimately covers anything from letting a woman go first in line to chivalrously opening a door to a building or car for a woman. This is where benevolent sexism gets tricky because manners should of course always be welcomed…it’s just these manly manners should not. When men take it upon themselves to particularly try to be either a woman’s “protection” or “strength”, it can sometimes make women feel weak and inferior when women are actually perfectly capable of holding doors open for themselves. Though, of course it all depends on the intent behind the door holding. Sometimes humans actually are really nice and like to hold doors open for others, man or woman, and we like those humans. Those humans can stay, but benevolent sexists need to go. Manners? Good. Manly manners? Bad.
2) Bills, Bills, Bills
Okay, we all like food, and if it’s free food? Even better. Sometimes it’s okay to have men pay the bill if you’d like, but is it always okay to have them pay the bill? Paying etiquette seems to differ from couple to couple, but what’s important is that both partners agree upon that paying etiquette. The man shouldn’t automatically be expected to pay for a night out because he is the apparent breadwinner, and the woman shouldn’t automatically be expected to not be independent enough or financially stable enough to pay for her own meal or both meals. Some women actually do make more than their male partners, and those male partners shouldn’t feel emasculated by that, but should just embrace the independence of their female partner.
3) The “Women Are Neater” Stereotype
Not all men are pigs. I mean, I do personally consider myself quite the neat freak, but we should give men more credit than we do for being just as neat, and sometimes even neater! From firsthand experience of living in a house with four other men, I can say that sometimes they made my room look like the pigsty. Also, I wouldn’t want to be expected to be neat just because of my gender, but rather because of my delightfully anal personality.
4) Care and Compassion
Apparently women are more caring, compassionate, and nurturing? We’re supposed to have all of those motherly instincts and all that jazz, right? Of course, it’s nice to have these nice qualities, but just because you are a woman does not automatically mean you have to have them, and just because you are a man does not mean you can’t have them. Stereotypes like these sound nice and complimentary for women, but they also help to promote the idea even more that women belong at home taking care of children or in a kitchen cooking dinner. (If you ask me, kitchens become caution zones once I step foot in them). Also, did someone say paternity leave? I for one do not have a nurturing bone in my body, so let’s give guys a chance to show their compassionate, nurturing sides, shall we?
5) Emotional Intelligence
Are you even still a woman if you lack emotional intelligence? The answer is yes. Women are told that they are more mature and in tune with their emotions, while men are told that they are just not. Well, as Corinne and Taylor have shown us that on The Bachelor, emotional intelligence can be hard to come by for anyone, even women. Again, this seemingly positive stereotype actually hurts women because now women are expected to be a certain way, and then they are looked at as weirdos if they are not that way. Men are hurt even further because they get stamped as emotionally immature creatures that are incapable of even having any emotion at all. However, if a man is actually in tune with his emotions it doesn’t make him any less of a man, and if a woman happens to not be so in tune with hers it doesn’t make her any less of a woman.