A year ago, I had experienced multiple life changes, growing up, and encountered new firsts. From January to June, I was a high school senior who was dancing at my senior prom and getting photographed taking my cap and gown photos. In March, I experienced the loss of my grandmother. June through August, I volunteered at a hospital and completed an interior design class. In the summer, I was relaxing in Captiva, Florida at a resort swimming in the pool and the beach. August to December I was sitting in a lecture hall calling my teachers, professors and living with my roommate. As you reflect on where you were a year ago from today, you would be surprised how small and big events can completely change where you are today.
As 2021 wrapped, I realized how not only I received and needed advice from those around me, but I had to discover and learn these myself and apply them myself. As I am experiencing my second semester as a freshman (and beyond!)I am always continuing to learn and grow from my successes, downfalls, and decisions. Reminding myself and reflecting on lessons and advice I have received last year has helped my well-being, how I approach different tasks and opportunities, and new life experiences. I wanted to share some of my life lessons on Her Campus because I hope you can use this advice in your everyday life, and grow as a person.
- “Accept how you will act in a situation. Then, plan how you will solve the situation”
In past situations, I have experienced thoughts of anticipation when starting something new or encountering an unfamiliar situation. When I have spoken to people about the “what ifs” racing my head, they have told me: “Calm down, everything will be fine” and “Just breathe.” Just taking a few breaths or repeating to yourself “everything will be okay” sometimes will not improve the situation, but will produce more anxiety. Leading up to move-in week at Oswego, I felt anxious and excited to start college. My therapist told me, “It is easier to accept how we would normally act in a situation instead of pretending to deal with the situation in a better way than we normally would, so we can adjust our behavior and actions to alleviate feelings and stress based on how we will act.” Using how we would normally act allows us to control how we will feel instead of changing our behavior allows you to accept your feelings instead of having the pressure to change our outlook completely to “make ourselves feel better.” As a result, expecting and accepting how you would normally feel will provide realistic solutions and actions to help solve the situation using the skills we do have.
Example:
I was nervous to start my freshman year of college because of the overwhelming responsibility of academics, social life, and activities.
How will I accept how I will act in the situation? I have to remember how I have acted in previous experiences.
- I have been anxious about starting a new school year in the past.
- I can be quiet at first, but then I acclimate to the situation overtime and quickly.
- I make sure to ask questions when I am unsure about something
- I can find someone to talk to if I am nervous or need clarification on something.
How will I alleviate the problem based on how I acted?
- It’s normal to start college feeling overwhelmed and unsure: “Everyone will be feeling the same way on the first day: overwhelmed and confused”
- If I need help, I have a support system of family and friends. I can always email my professors, advisor, and other campus resources if I am struggling.
- If I feel anxious in the situation, I can drink water and count to 10.
- To alleviate my stress, I can focus on one week at a time on the syllabus.
- I can always drop/withdraw from a class, limit my clubs I am involved in.
- When you are doing something, take in the small moments while they are happening. These can change within a day or year.
As Ferris Bueller once said, “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.” Robin Williams portraying Mr. Keating in Dead Poets Society expressed, “Carpe diem. Seize the day.” The pandemic has taught us that everything we are already familiar with can change fast and be different within a month, year, or overnight. These little moments we are experiencing now will become the past we did not consider to appreciate in the present. I realized this when my final weeks as a senior in high school came to a close, and I had to transition to focus on responsibilities as a college student. As I experience the small moments in a day, I make sure to take time to look around and appreciate the little things or conveniences I have in the moment. Take a photo or write down what you appreciate about the experience. You will thank yourself later that you are in the present appreciating the experience or documenting it, so you can look back and remember. As a second semester college student, I am realizing how important it is to stop and appreciate moments while they happen because there is a chance I will never be able to experience them again. You will not regret it!
- It is okay to not accomplish everything in a day
During the first few weeks of freshman year, I aspired to complete everything I could all in a day to be productive. However, I discovered being productive entails completing what you can and prioritizing your time to complete the task. Being productive is still getting things done, even though some are incomplete.
When completing short or long-term assignments, use a timer or the Pomodoro method. These methods allow you to take breaks and stay focused on your task. I divide my planner into ‘priority’ and ‘if time’ columns. The priority section is to start planning long-term assignments, complete tasks that are not lengthy, and do work that I need to complete today. The ‘if time’ section is designated for short-term assignments to complete that will not require much effort or time. When you take a break, you can use those five minutes to listen to music, write down reminders in your planner, or respond to and write emails. Most importantly, the urgent or initial tasks leading to the final product that is finished are considered productive, such as starting to outline a research paper, writing a discussion post, or working to complete two pages of a math assignment.
- In college (and beyond!) your support system is very, very important. Continue to develop and grow the relationships you have with others with whom you are close to. These connections will help you in the long run.
Even though this advice applies not just at school, I wanted to share this advice with those who are reading. I have been fortunate to have a supportive family, friends, and teachers who have been valuable support systems. Before attending college, a goal I had for attending college was to create valuable, meaningful connections with others.
It is necessary to find at least 3-4 (or more!) people in your life who you can trust, ask questions, or guidance is very important to have different perspectives. These special people can vary from a therapist, friends, parents, extended family, or siblings. Not to mention, meeting with a career coach, academic advisor, professor, or counselor, are additional supportive people to guide you at college.
How can you create connections in college and start making connections?
This can be as easy as introducing yourself to your professors after the first day of class, participating and staying engaged in class, and asking clarifying questions. Go to office hours and ask for assistance on an assignment, follow-up about your interest in the material, or inquire about opportunities you can seek if you enjoy the subject. Meet your academic advisor to ask about study abroad options or discuss a graduation plan. Take advantage of career services!
As soon as I did these steps, my professor knew my name within the first two weeks of classes. I even received high grades in each class. Also, I was able to ask for two letters of recommendation to become a peer health educator on campus, and get an interview. Each professor was always willing to answer any questions I had in the middle of class. Make sure to keep in touch with people who helped you along the way, such as a therapist, best friends from high school, academic advisors/professors, or friends you made at college.
- How much energy should I put into this or is it necessary?
“How much energy should I put into this?” is what you should ask yourself everyday. The question is applicable for many situations, such as completing a writing assignment, crafting a resume, taking a quiz, or reciprocating a friendship. This question is similar to asking yourself, “How much effort or time do I put into this?” Reminding yourself you do not have to give everything you do its maximum effort at all times allows you to remind yourself of the bigger picture. Ask yourself: “If I put energy into this, will this benefit me in the long run?” If your situation will impact or benefit you positively, pursue it. It can include attending office hours to see your professor to ask questions (your frequent engagement in the class and asking your professors questions could lead to a letter of recommendation for an internship!), calling your best friend whom you haven’t talked to in a while (maintaining a reciprocal friendship and having a support system!), or spending that extra few hours at an organization you enjoy spending time at (the connections you can make!), or spending extra time and effort on your research paper that is a large portion of your grade. This mindset has reduced my academic burnout and need for perfectionism.
- Day by Day. One step at a time.
“Day by day” and “One step at a time” have been my mantras that have been repeatedly uttered to me for as long as I could remember. I think many steps ahead. The more steps I decide to take, I begin to think about the “what ifs” or start wanting to plan for the situations I think will come. Remind yourself that you will figure out a plan of action and it will fall into place. Everything will take time. If something does not work out or seems like a big step, remind yourself you will figure it out and you will solve the situation when it arrives. If the situation does not work out the way you anticipated, it is better to go through with it, and then brainstorm solutions to ways you can alleviate the situation or make it better for yourself. It is better to take the unknown chance than lose the chance.