As I approach my 18th birthday (which happens to be the day this article is published), I’ve experienced far more than I really thought I would. As cliché as it may sound, I’ve experienced love, pure joy, grief, heartbreak, and so many other emotions I cannot truly explain. I’ve learned so much, and I feel that it’s important to really think about those lessons and share them with anyone who happens upon this article. I’m hoping that at least one or two of these lessons will help others with problems they may be having.
#1: It’s okay to feel anxious, even if there’s no particular reason to feel that way. As someone who has gone to therapy for anxiety, it’s taken a really long time for me to realize that it’s alright to have to cope with it. As much of a hassle as it can be, it’s an emotion you’re bound to experience at some point or another. More often than not, it doesn’t have a clear-cut reason to be there- it just kind of happens. The biggest reminder I have to give to myself when I’m feeling anxious is that the thoughts and feelings I’m experiencing aren’t real. The scenarios and fears are unnecessary, and I understand that even if I feel scared for a couple of hours, the feeling is going to go away and I will be okay.
#2: Not everyone is going to love me, and that’s okay. I’m really not meant to be loved by every single person I meet; I feel like if everyone did, I wouldn’t actually be myself. I’d feel like a morphing individual who would shift to be what everyone else would want me to be, which isn’t being honest to myself. If I am to be fair to myself, I need to be alright with the fact that not everyone will accept me as I am, and that I can’t do anything to change that fact. As long as I am okay with who I am, that’s all that matters.
#3: It is beyond okay for me to love myself exactly how I am. Yes, I have flaws- I’m not a perfect person, and I openly admit that. At the same time, though, that is what makes me human. I’m imperfect; I mess up, I cry, I do everything a person should do. If I’m going to live life to the fullest and enjoy it most of the way through, I need to embrace who I am and not want ,to change the things that don’t truly matter.
#4: People leaving isn’t always my fault, and I shouldn’t take it personally every single time. Yeah, people leaving your life hurts, but it isn’t the end of the world. In my opinion, if someone wants to walk out of your life as quickly as they walked in, that’s just how it was meant to be. I can’t spend my energy on begging people to stay. So, why not focus all that saved energy on people who want to stay?
#5: I don’t need to pretend around the people who really matter. The ones who genuinely care about me and are going to stick around accept me for who I am. If I’m constantly putting a mask on around the people I call my “friends,” then they really aren’t my true friends to begin with. Being comfortable in my own skin is something I’ve struggled with, and there’s no way I’d go back to pretending after finding people who genuinely love me for who I am.
#6: Human beings are way more fragile than I usually like to admit. Not just in a physical sense, either- we’re social beings, and if something negative happens with a friend, there’s a pretty high likelihood that we’ll break in some form. We can say we’re strong and a fighter, but all of us have broken at some point in our lives, and that’s okay. We know what to do to heal, and we do what we can to protect ourselves. The biggest takeaway is that we always turn out alright in the end, even if it kind of feels like we’re shattered at the beginning of a negative situation.
#7: I’m not going to have the same friends throughout my life. This one really threw me for a loop when I figured it out, and it’s one of the first things an adult will tell you when you get to middle and high school. I could count on one hand how many friends I’ve kept from high school, and I’m barely three months into my freshman year of college. There’s nothing wrong with this, either; growing up and developing as a person is incredibly important, and with change in personality comes a change in friend groups. It’s a terrifying experience, but the comfort felt once you’ve found your people immediately washes away any fear you may have felt before.
#8: High school means absolutely nothing in the long run. I know, this one sounds exaggerated, but I can honestly say that a small handful of experiences and people from high school have followed me into my freshman year of college. Once you step onto a college campus, you’re a new person in a new environment. Your professor won’t just come up to you and bring up something embarrassing that happened your sophomore year of high school, because it didn’t matter. Popularity isn’t a thing once you’re out of high school, either, so once you’re out, you hold the future in your hands. It’s one of the most comforting things I’ve learned, even though I just graduated in June.
#9: Music helps a lot more than I realized initially. Like I mentioned earlier, I’ve dealt with anxiety since middle school. It can be really hard to just sit and calm down, and something I’ve found that helps is music. Deep beats and fun rhythms always help me calm right down, even if I’m not feeling jittery. It can get me motivated or excited or happy, and it’s something I’ve gotten more passionate about throughout my life.
#10: Writing down my feelings is a safe and healthy way to express my emotions. This one may just be a given, but writing and getting down how I feel about certain situations has helped me an unbelievable amount. I was terrified of writing down how I felt for the longest time, but things slowly made more sense once I actually started doing it. Writing helped me get all my thoughts into one organized space and allowed me to clear my head out without stressing myself out further.
#11: Just because something bad happens to me doesn’t mean I deserved it. Getting broken up with, getting a bad grade on an exam I studied for, having a friend stop talking to me for a while- just because these things happen doesn’t mean that I had it coming for me. Life likes to throw a ton of curveballs, and it’s just something we have to get used to. A lot of situations go unexplained, and that’s just how it works out.
#12: Procrastination is okay sometimes. Yeah, I know, probably shouldn’t be saying that as a college student. However, I’ve found that some of my best work was after procrastinating for a day or two. Allowing myself to sit on the work, genuinely think it through, and then get to work on it has allowed for me to come up with ideas I probably wouldn’t have had I jumped straight into whatever I was working on. Sitting and processing helps, whether it be on assignments, sending an important email, or even writing down a couple ideas.
#13: I have to appreciate the smaller things in life. Whether that be listening to rain as it hits the roof, hanging out with my friends in utter silence, or sitting in a class I enjoy, it’s all stuff I shouldn’t take for granted. I won’t always have these experiences to turn to, and I really need to hold on to what I do have. I’ve learned one too many times how things can be taken away from me in a matter of seconds, and that isn’t something I can continue to be okay with. Every little moment of life is beautiful, even if it sucks at the moment.
#14: Dwelling on the past isn’t worth it. I know this is a lesson we’ve all heard of, but it’s genuinely one I’ve had to learn about and grow from the hard way. The past is the past for a reason- it isn’t meant to be kept around. Living in the present is way more fun, anyway. Experiencing life as it’s in front of me is such a fun and beautiful experience. I can’t move forward if I’m constantly looking back, and I can’t grow as a person if I’m always wondering what I could have done instead of what I can be doing now.
#15: Crying is okay, no matter the situation. I’m allowed to cry from laughing too hard, and I’m allowed to cry if something really hurts me. Even if I’m just really excited about something, crying can totally be warranted! It doesn’t make me over-emotional or weak, or any other negative connotation that’s linked with crying. It’s a natural human response to many different things, and if we weren’t meant to do it, it wouldn’t physically be possible. Letting the tears out helps, even if they’re happy tears.
#16: I have to stop comparing myself to other people. It’s okay to look up to other people, yes, but beating myself down and wishing I were someone else isn’t fair to me. If I am to develop and grow as a person, I need to be okay with admitting that I have become who I am for a reason. Wishing I were someone else isn’t going to change anything; it’ll just make me miserable in the long run. Finding joy and love within myself is wicked important, especially since I’ll always be around myself; the posts and accounts that make me insecure will not.
And lastly, #17: Friends should be cherished and loved just as much as family. I feel like the emphasis on familial love is so much higher than it is for friendships, which isn’t fair. There are times when my friends will be all I have, and I need to hold onto that as best I can. Friends are family without a blood relation; sometimes, they are family. They matter just as much as my blood relatives and should be treated with just as much love, respect, and care.
I know that as I get older and go through life, I’ll learn even more lessons and figure more out about myself that I may not know just yet. I’m taking it all in stride and hoping that one of these lessons may have helped out someone who’s read this article. If my experiences can help other people, then I know that whatever has happened to me (and whatever will happen to me) will be well worth it.