Everyone has seen those lists on Twitter that provide easy-to-follow criteria to determine whether someone is truly your man. Granted, most of these are jokes; I especially loved the one about Jim Harbaugh pictured at the bottom (go Bucks). However, the idea behind it is valid and well-intentioned. There should be a list out there of guaranteed red flags to let girls know if a man isn’t really about you. This is my attempt to write that list. Now, these criteria will be different for everyone to an extent, but the things I listed should immediately trigger your red alert button and let you know that he isn’t a man to put time into.
1. He ignores you when he’s out with his friends
Have you ever been in that situation when you’re out with your girls, haven’t talked to your latest fling in a couple hours, then he shows up at that same bar? Pretty awkward. All of your friends see him and are waiting to see what he does, anticipating what you’ll do, and wondering why you look so surprised to see him there. Now if he were your man, he would come up to your group and basically just acknowledge that you’re there and that you matter.
However, if he goes about his business and doesn’t acknowledge you because he’s with his friends and he doesn’t want to be seen with you while he’s trying to finesse other women… he’s not your man. To make it even worse, if he ignores the fact that you’re there, and you and your girls decide to head to another bar and he sends you that “Hey, where’d you go” text after not talking to you at all … he’s definitely not your man.
2. You’re the one that always initiates plans
You two always seem to have so much fun together, and the conversation bounces back and forth effortlessly; neither one of you ever seems to want to leave when you’re hanging out. That’s the best, isn’t it? Except for the fact that you’re always the one asking him to do something — sometimes he has time, sometimes he doesn’t. It’s really a toss-up from day to day as to whether he has time for you. If he is really all about you, you’ll know because he’ll talk about hanging out with you at least once a week. This number is usually higher if he’s a little more thirsty than usual.
If you’re not sure whether you’re the one who always initiates the plans, give it a week where you don’t talk about hanging out at all. See if he suggests something. If he doesn’t, it could be that he’s gotten used to you always making the plans, or it could mean he’s not into you enough to hang out without you offering it first. To be honest, no matter which of these reasons it may be … he’s not your man.
3. He ignores your text/Snapchat for days on end
First of all, I don’t care who you are, no one is that busy. If a Division 1 athlete can find time to respond in a timely manner, Chad from Theta Beta Pi can send a macho selfie back to you. I don’t want to hear the excuse “Oh, class is killing me this week” or “My thumbs are sore from Xbox so I couldn’t type”, if it’s been three days, he’s finding ways to ignore you. Which, of course, should not be happening because odds are you’re too good for him anyway!
Also, just because the text or Snapchat hasn’t been opened doesn’t mean he’s not ignoring you. Everyone knows how irritating those little red numbers above the apps are, and if he is voluntarily leaving those there for days instead of responding to you … he’s not your man.
4. You feel anxious when you see him unexpectedly
I am not talking about the feeling you get when he comes to pick you up at your door for a date. That feeling should be happy and excited, I hope; otherwise, you might need to reevaluate some stuff, sis. No, I am talking about that feeling you get when you unexpectedly see him walking to class or going to get food with his friends. Do you feel anxious or worried that he’ll ignore you? Or worse, are you afraid that he’ll see you?
If you’re feeling like this, it is probably because he has done something in the past to make you nervous about unexpected interactions. It means that subconsciously you know that he doesn’t feel the same way about your “situation” as you do, and you can’t predict what he’ll do when he sees you. This is terrifying. But, if you knew from his actions or his words that he was about you, you wouldn’t be feeling this way. So if you get that feeling of anxiety, stress and fear in the pit of your stomach when you unexpectedly see him … he’s not your man.
I hope this cleared up some of the confusion and provided a couple of examples to look for when you’re testing out a piece of potential man candy. I know there are many more, and everyone is different. Maybe you like overwhelming anxiety and fear when you see your S/O … who am I to judge? But for me, these are definite no-nos. When you craft your own list of off-limit behaviors for your next suitor, remember that relationships are mutual experiences. No one should be getting less out of it than they are putting into it.
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